The Judge

I was fortunate enough to be a guest of the NSPCC and Childline at a private pre-screening of The Judge starring Robert Downey Jr (RDJ), at The May Fair Hotel last week. The Judge chronicles the tale of a seemingly successful corporate lawyer, who is forced to leave his materialistic comforts of a glass house, sexy wife and thriving career in the city, to return to his small town hometown upon receipt of some tragic news. Aside from the melodramatic cross-examination, I believe it was a perfectly depicted family and courtroom drama that highlighted the flaws in humanity and the legal system. I left already placing it on my Top 3 legal films of all time, behind The Devil's Advocate and The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Without further adieu, its time for a thematic review in true BLEURGH style.

Blazer : Urban Outfitters | Shirt : TM Lewin | Trousers : Littlewoods | Chelsea Boots : Primark

TIME The Judge's strained relationship with his son following a tumultuous past, is heartbreaking and yet, hopeful. I'm sure there have been some, myself included, who have had difficult relationships with parents in the past (or present). At times, it feels never-ending. There is no light at the end of the tunnel in a heated exchange, and once those words have been spat out venomously it is even harder to retract. Allowing past demons to plague the relationship lands you nowhere but in the pit of regret, malice and anger. In order to truly move forward, one must decide to briefly visit the past but resolve to wipe the slate clean. Words and actions affect not only the parties involved, but put a strain on all connected parties such as siblings and partners, and its better in the grand scheme of things, to let peace reign. Time truly is the healer of all wounds, but active pursuit of a resolve within the time allotted to each of us is a better use of the ticking clock. 

The Crystal Room & Mayfair Theatre at The May Fair Hotel, London

PROJECTION The Judge is RDJ's titled father, who has earned the respect of his peers and those in the community, but lacks it from his son. This is the result of bad decision making in the past, and allowing pride to cloud one's judgment. Learning not to project your disappointments, feelings and insecurities on others is one of the greatest lessons in life. It gives you room to trust, to love and to grow as an individual. And it also helps to avoid resentment and hatred from either party. I was prone to projecting my insecurities on others, and judging them by my actions or thoughts. Once I learned to let each person earn my honest opinion of them based on their own actions, I learned a greater deal about humanity as a result. 

REDEMPTION As a christian, it is my core belief that once tainted, one can ask for redemption and be purified. This has enlightened my outlook on humanity, as I am less judgmental about one's character as a result of one act, trait or flaw. I do not believe we are all born and remain one way. I truly do think it is demeaning not to regard others as multi-dimensional characters; funny, smart, loyal, charismatic, etc. If we have sinned prior, and fallen short of His glory, there is still time and room for change. RDJ perfectly embodies this, as the end of the film shows him reckoning his past and present, with a new future that's brighter. 

"Sometimes you've got to forgive in order to be forgiven" The Judge

He for She Vs. 4Chan

"Gender equality not only liberates women, but also men, from prescribed gender stereotypes"

On 21st September 2014, Emma Watson (UN Women Goodwill Global Ambassador) gave a touching speech, encouraging men to raise their voices and openly speak about sexism in solidarity with women's rights movements. This speech launched the 'He for She' campaign (a worldwide UN Women feminist campaign), with the goal of recruiting 1 Billion men and boys to combat and advocate for gender equality over the course of 12 months. It is a common misconception that 'feminism' is a female-only plight, and this campaign aims to shed light on the fact that gender inequality is a human rights issue. Thus, its resolution will benefit both men and women. 

Coat : River Island | Dress : BHS | Heels : Miss Selfridge

On 22nd September 2014, 4Chan (the site thought to be behind the leaked nude images of Kim Kardashian, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, among many others), started a 5-day campaign aptly titled 'Emma, you are next' with an image of Emma Watson photoshopped behind a ticking countdown. The irony was not lost on many, and was soon blindingly evident when anonymous users posted hateful retorts insinuating that the leaked images were bound to shut down Watson's feminist rants. 

Boudica Statue; Westminster Bridge

London Eye

South Bank Lion; Westminster Bridge

I have advocated against the inequality between over sexualised images of women in the media, in contrast to 3-piece-suited and booted men in the past, and still hold very strong opinions on that matter. However, working with rape victims has enlightened me to the fact that misogynists misuse sexual terror as a weapon. A common rape myth is that females need to alter their appearance and behaviour in order to avoid being victims of sexual violence. This opinion has been vocalised in the courts, media and social platforms in the past, but must be eradicated if we are to make any progress. 

Studs : Forever 21 | Watch : Guess | Ring : H&M

Perhaps the issue is in the words themselves. The issue with feminism being gynocentric is synonymous with the misconception that feminists are men-hating. In a recent conversation with a girlfriend, I questioned why she wasn't a feminist and found that she inherently was, but refused to be defined or associated with the word 'feminist'. Its time to change the dialogue perhaps, and enlighten others to the reality that women deserve equal protection and the allocation of fundamental rights for being 'human'. This is regardless of their impurity, promiscuity or what have you. If men are not defined as criminals based on their sexual indiscretions, then why is it lauded over women as 4Chan attempts to? 

Feminism is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities...politically, economically and socially. Surely we all agree to that, man or woman, we are all just human. BLEURGH

Ray Rice Rant

I have touched on my work with domestic violence (DV) victims once before, but I believe my wealth of knowledge on this matter has since developed upon returning to the UK and practicing as a DV advocate in courts in England and Wales. My work has opened my eyes to skewed statistics, victim psychology and the role of the third party. This may prompt a #WhyIStayed or #WhyILeft debate, but I feel its important to openly discuss such issues on modern platforms such as blogs, to create an open environment where the victim no longer feels stigmatised for undergoing distress, but rather, empowered to make the right decision for themselves.

Shirt : ZARA (Mens) | Jeans : Dorothy Perkins | Heels : Topshop

Now, I'm sure you've all familiarised yourselves with the Ray Rice assault case. If you haven't, a brief summary is Mr Rice was caught dragging his then-fiancee (now wife...but we'll get there in a minute) from the elevator, after battering her to the point where she could no longer autonomously command the use of her God-given legs. What caused much uproar were the events that followed i.e. Janay choosing to stay and MARRY the man who physically assaulted her. As a result, Mr Rice evaded criminal charges and instead, was suspended by the NFL for two games (which has now been increased to an indefinite suspension, following the public outrage).

NGOs brainstorming means/services for DV prevention & assistance

Exhibit at the 'End Sexual Violence in Conflict'

Working with victims, it has become evident to me that there are many factors at play in one's decision to seek help or remain in a tumultuous relationship. The age-old Oprah-infused adage of "if a man hits you once, he will hit you again" is worth considering. But this is not the blanket answer to everyone's circumstance. As a Christian, I understand that vengeance is the Lord's, and it is not my place to judge but merely assist. However, that does not mean we must stand by and condone the actions of an abuser, or desensitise the reality of many victims who are lost on what resolution to seek. Courts and injunctions aren't for everybody, but neither is the decision to raise a home with someone who has defiled you physically, mentally, emotionally or sexually.

A few weeks ago, a well-known Youtuber shared her plight with DV, and with that came questions and accusations. What we need to understand is that we are merely observers. Women should be empowered to be party to relationships based on dignity, respect and love. I have come to understand that most abusers manipulate the victim to justify their actions; i.e. "I only hit you to teach you a lesson" or "Its because you did X, that pushed me to do Y". Fear and blame culture is one of the many reasons why victims choose to stay, and shaking our heads at them further stigmatises their rationale and capacity to make a well-informed decision. In so doing, we are stripping the victim of the confidence to seek the help they deserve, or voicing their concerns. Janay Rice has been called everything from a gold-digger to a bad mother, and yet, the abuser (Ray Rice) is walking scotch-free from the moral jury as just being an angry man...ofcourse, that makes perfect sense *sigh*

"It takes an average of seven times for a victim to leave an abusive relationship" National Domestic Abuse Hotline

Double Standards of Standards

I have been fortunate to be at the right place at the right time, thanks to God's grace. For the purposes of this post, I can disclose nothing more than that my work affords me the opportunity to work with the female delegates of the National Conference, currently taking place in the Federal Capital of Nigeria. One thing I have found is that opportunities come but once but not all grabbing at that chance are worthy of its grasp.

Left- Dress : House of Fraser | Bag : Moschino | Watch : Michael Kors

Right- Racer overalls from GET Arena

Instead of using our various platforms to empower one another, we choose to cage ourselves or slam one another.  A crime, I for one, am guilty of. A female delegate openly addressed the floor of the National Conference, professing a woman's place was in the kitchen, donning an apron. A female acquaintance of mine openly condemned women who dressed promiscuously as crying out to be raped. Lastly, I have in the past shut down girls nearing 30's who've decided to become homeowners while praising men in that same position. The hypocrisy is rich on our breaths and I'm stepping out to try to understand why that is.

For years, women have been told that their place belonged in the kitchen. Then came the war, when the men were off battling on the fields and women were left to fend for themselves and their households. Now? In this day and age, I thought we'd moved past all that? But it seems double standards are reinforced everywhere. Its so innately vested in each of us that its hard to call yourself out at that given time. Women donning aprons? Well, let's view that for a second. Mysogynists would have women believe that domesticated crafts were their only forte. So, although women should sit at home mending their partner's clothes, the most famous designers are men? While women slave over a hot stove, there are higher percentages of Michelin star chefs who are men? ENOUGH!

Women should be allowed to do and act in whichever way we damn well please. Not for the sake of throwing a feminist tantrum, but for the mere fact that we also are worthy human beings. Men are allowed to palm the oysterous globe while women peer over their necks? ENOUGH! Women should be allowed to set the bar as high as they personally see fit. Why are men commended for aiming high independently and women are condemned for following the same path?

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Whatever men can do, women may not do better but we sure as hell can do too! x 

Beaten Blue

I tried to steer clear of this topic as its so sensitive but it takes up 80+% of the work I do both here in Nigeria, and back in the UK. I’m a Anti-Domestic Violence advocate in the UK and work with victims to access justice from the courts by imposing injunctions on the perpetrators. In Nigeria, I am fortunate to be working with an organisation that is breaking ground in delivering access to justice to marginalised women in Nigeria.

Blazer : ASOS | Dashiki : gifted from Nigeria

Domestic violence is unfortunately a universal issue. Class, race, gender, disability aside, all humans are vulnerable to DV. It is clear from the statistics (although there is an increase in abuse perpetrated by women against men), DV victims are most likely to be the women in the home. Working in Lagos state, I was thrilled to learn that a new DV law was implemented recently. Commendably, this legislation takes into account the context in which it is working with, and encompasses most relationships within the Nigerian home, house-girl included. The issue now is awareness and whether these girls and women in such situations can pull the wool from over their eyes & see their reality for what it truly is.

Unfortunately, Nigeria is still very much a patriarchial society, with majority male leadership both in society and in the home. As a result, the norms are still dictated by men, with women being viewed as subordinate. Women are respected for the name following the Mrs, rather than the achievements she made in her own right. In light of the issue of DV, what this means for a woman is that she fears fleeing the home because of the stigma attached to being a Miss again. There are cases involving women who have dropped cases against dangerously abusive husbands because they never intended to punish him to the point of serving jail time and still depend on him financially.

Bag : Moschino | Watch : Guess | Heels : ZARA

Although the game is changing with public figures like Okonjo Iweala or Folorunsho Alakija, the reality for many women in Nigeria is to suffer in silence.  Beat her. Rape her. Mane her. Yet, he can do no wrong? Wrong. Women need to be empowered to see there is light beyond that dark tunnel. I am not advocating divorce or a western mindset of leaving when the going gets tough, just challenging women to see themselves as worthy of respect and love. Not only do women here endure verbal and physical abuse, but the common-day emotional abuse endured by many faithful wives whose husbands who frolick on endless business-trips with countless mistresses has also been roped into this legislation. But its one thing to state something as theory and another to put it into practice. The security is there, now its in the hands of these women and the judges alike to stare in the eyes of injustice & take active steps to beat it back, cold blue.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Time for the men who beat women black & blue to face the justice from the men in black (Judges) and blue (police).

Gloves Off

And so the journey begins. I have stripped off the thermal gloves and can now proclaim that I am well & truly settled into life here in Nigeria. I relocated here for two internships in NGOs focusing on advocating legislative change for females by promulgating gender equality bills. Like Chimamanda, I was taken aback the first instance someone questioned my position as a feminist, but I have since taken a comfortable seat in this machine of change & I'm so excited to share my journey with you guys.

Necklace : Wallis | Belt : Thrifted/Vintage | Watch : Guess 

This post will focus on the absurdity of the lack of adequate provisions by the state for pregnant women. All medical bills are privately paid, although there is a clear difference between the state hospitals and the private ones. Pregnant women are handed a list of products and supplies (aside from the bill for the medical procedure itself) that they are to attain before admission. Apparently, some medical practitioners go as far as to list particular brand names the women are to purchase, without which, they will be denied admission on their due date. One of the listed items in question are medical/surgical gloves. You heard me right. Women are expected (and generally, patients alike) to buy particular gloves that the gynaecologists, surgeons, midwives, nurses etc, will use when aiding in the delivery of the baby. How preposterous to expect such from a patient, without which, access to basic health and welfare rights are denied.

Soundtrack of the Minute - It Wont Stop : Sevyn Streeter ft Chris Brown

Dress : House of Fraser

I was stunned to discover the reality for some women in Nigeria. With 65% of the population living in absolute poverty, 75% of which are women, how can such requirements be expected before performing the safe delivery of a new born? This is a clear infringement on the fundamental (and universally recognised) right to life. Not only is this putting the life of the mother in danger, but also possibly risking that of the unborn child. Setting such unattainable requirements for women inadvertently creates a barrier to basic human rights; thus infringing it. As one of the wealthiest African countries, I am revelling in my latest discoveries of the extent to which gluttony and greed by aged politicians is prioritised at the cost of  basic human rights of women.
Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Let's all challenge the Doctors, Politicians etc to a duel, gloves off.

Cheers to a New Year!

WOW! I planned to return to BLEURGH in the New Year, but how so perfectly timed? 1st January falling on my regularly scheduled slot for posts? Fabulous!

Happy New Year to you all. Thank you for all the love, support & kind words thus far. The journey has not been easy, but I wanted to share this image with you all to urge you to keep striving towards your purpose. I'm nowhere close to where I want to be, but I've learned the hard way, that I'm exactly where I need to be. Learning to trust that God is working His purpose out & there is a divine purpose being worked towards is enlightening. So join me in 2014 to be thirsty for your dream & work towards your purpose, not checking for any other runners...stay in your lane & run your best race.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! 2014 is a year to reach greater heights & fulfil that which we are called to. 

Who Sets The Bar?

I was riffling through the pupillage gateway (the online application system for potential barristers), taking a look at prospective applications and lo and behold, I spot an application listed for 12months that pays nothing. You heard me. Not a single penny. This thought has been abrew a while, but I held it at bay for the criticism it is bound to churn up. This is NOT a stab at the Bar, but at the access to professions which I have critiqued once before. This is not a memo of an aggrieved non-pupil. This is not the musings of a disgruntled Bar student. No, these are the words of a common graduate. A graduate tossed into the jungle that is the current job market. This is not just one voice, but a flock-full of peers whose expectations of conquering the world have been shattered by the harsh reality that its out of their control.

Top : Allders | Disco Pants : American Apparel | Patent Loafers : Dorothy Perkins

This is understandable; the world would not be at its safest in the hands of inexperienced 20-somethings, but DANG! Give us a shot from that barrel before shutting us down! "You're not experienced enough" is a term graduates will be all too familiar with. How about you give me a chance to gain that experience at your entry level role? No? Oh right....so here we go collecting more certificates and accolades to validate ourselves rather than waste our time trawling sites and recuitment-office hopping. Except, what you don't tell us is that when we finally do emerge victorious from the clasps of higher and further education, we will be paid NOTHING, running on the ideology that we are 'working our way up'. *spits out in disgust*

Hat : Forever 21 | Necklace : Primark | Studs : Matalan

We made down-payments on cars worth of money to fund our way through education. We slaved nights over countless literature or wiped beads of stressful sweat off our foreheads in a plight to finally have those worthy letters beside our name and you're telling me we'll be paid less than McDonald workers? Less than sweatshop employees whom everyone bawls over in pity for? Yet the government and powers that be wonder why there's so much social uprising or why this dependency culture seems impenetrable? The proof is in the pudding. We are creating an army of disgruntled people. A community that will suffer the same disease of status frustration.  This position is worsened by the increasingly aesthetic society we live in, where one's success is measured by his wealth. This wealth apparently, seems to afford dear old Richard the opportunity to take on unpaid roles because dear old Father Gregory III will pay him his monthly allowance and rent and basic amenities...so whats the fuss?

The fuss is that we are all being sold a pie of dreams. Diversity programs aim to enlighten the minority claiming that we are ill-informed from the get-go. There is some truth in that, but who is denying us this knowledge? The institutions? The government? Our parents? I'm not one for conspiracy theories, so I will let sleeping dogs lie and go about my rise up the career ladder with peace in the knowledge that I am not climbing blindly. I am aware that there are stumps missing on my way up. I am aware that slabs are being pulled from beneath me on my plight for higher ground, but I wont stop just because I'm nearing the Buddhist finite of enlightenment. I wont quit because I've seen the professions for what they truly are. A ruse. A pie of dreams sold to rob the poor of what they don't yet have, and enrich the already affluent because well...it wont hurt to keep the status quo. Right?

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Its clear the bar at this limbo is firmly set in place, and only those with financial flexibility will be successfully clear at the other end. Xisses

Zest

What is it about you that's different to everyone else?

I've been on a recent journey to self-discovery. I blame the pupillage application season that's thankfully now passed (I'll steer away from ranting about the dire technical flaws of the Pupillage Gateway system). I shudder at this, but years listening to my father break down Maslow's hierarchy of needs finally kicked into effect. I guess when you're forced to summarise your life's work into one measly box, there's nothing else to do but dig into the pits of your psyche and trawl through what it is you actually DO with your time? They might as well just have hacked into twitter timeline, but that's aside the point.

Shirt : ZARA|Leather Leggings : Bershka|Wedges : Primark|Bag : Longchamp

I recently met with my mentor whose question "so what are your interests?" had me stumped for a good...well...for the duration of our lunch together. I was blown, and in retrospect I can't see why? It's blindingly obvious to you guys, my friends, my twitter followers and just about anyone who spends more than a second with me. I'm obsessed with 'style' (I won't say fashion as I find the fleeting trend culture so vacuous) and the connotations it carries with it. I mean, that's what BLEURGH is all about!

I get asked for a mini-tutorial on my BIY turban'd look so here's one. More to come

I love reading your bleurgh-backs and emails and a reader in the previous post commented "still styling and profiling" (unsure whether that was shade or not...but oh well) and she's right. That's precisely what I love to do! I love sharing life's experiences and depicting that message pictorially through my style for those too bored to chow down the many words in-between. Volunteering as an Olympic Welcomer in Southwark Cathedral, I was fortunate enough to be schooled (and school) on the many stained-glass windows that adorned the Cathedral. One sombre evening between masses, the chaplain schooled me about their purpose; created to depict biblical stories and tales of Saints to the illiterate masses. Majority of the congregation couldn't read so how best to evangelise and preach the message than a painting (a picture says a thousand words).  I am in no way knocking the intellect of my readership, merely indulging in a mild eureka moment and as always, I feel obliged to share!

Pin-pointing your va-va-voom is a hard hustle but I've come up with a few routes to lighten the stress of mapping out your journey to discovery. To some, its blindeningly obvious and well...you can just carry on with your lives thanks. LOL! For others who spend most of their time with their heads buried in books in hot pursuit of their chosen profession, this question in an interview/ application form/ first date will have your eyeballs hitting the ceiling and your cuticles cursing you for biting them to death. So here goes:

1. Ask someone close to you – this is the EASIEST way and it literally took my brother a second to respond. Those closest to you can read you like a book and see what you spend hours doing (even if you're in denial).
2. Map it out on a timeline – be honest with yourself. If you haven't done X in the last 6months then it probably isn't an 'interest' of yours. That applies to all the avid 'dancers' out there...breaking it down in the club on a near fortnightly basis does NOT count! Lol
3. State and relate – state what the interest is and relate it to a particular occurrence. For example, I write a blog and my passion for writing enabled me to gain a journalist position at X. The same way you can't stand a dude that says he's dependable but fails to promptly reply to iMessages, is the same way vacant statements without any basis will fall on deaf ears. BACK IT UP! 

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! You may be a pest enroute to discovery of your life's true zest. Xisses

UPDATE: This look was featured as 'Editor's Pick' on the Daily Mail for 3 days straight!

Schoolin' Life

I was overwhelmed by the feedback of the previous post, and thought to shed light on an issue that's been queried time and time again. The NEED for education. I grew up in a home with higher degree holding parents. Instilled from a very young age was the idea that in order to achieve great things, one had to put in work from an early stage. "No sweet without sweat" mother says. Myself and my siblings set our sights on the professions, and thus, the only means of achieving success in the professions is via education.

Jumper : JJB Sports (Manchester) | Shirt : Blanco (Gran Canaria) | Skirt : H&M

That's not to say there aren't other means of achieving success. I beg to question whether there are easier ways, as advanced in the previous post; "nothing in life comes easy, and if it does, it sure as hell wont last" (tweaked Mummy's quote a bit, but you get where I'm coming from). I watched Beyonce's 'life is but a dream' documentary a few weeks back, and it struck me just HOW much she had truly achieved, and the sacrifices she had to make to get there.

Necklace : Dorothy Perkins | Watch : Guess (Bicester Village) | Bracelets : Gran Canaria

This is a lady who I believe (and correct me if i'm wrong) doesn't even have a GED (the American equivalent of a GCSE)! I mean, even Drake had to go back to school to rack up 'em grades to prove his lyrical worth. But here's a woman who has climbed the highest heights without the need for an ounce of academic paper. It's in interviews that you note that she can't intellectually string a profound sentence together, but that voice? Undoubtedly the greatest of our time. But aside from singing her praises, I have a point. Beyonce (and her boo..or mine? We are yet to legally decide who can claim him publicly) and JayZ are living proof that you CAN climb your way to the top without necessarily being academically gifted.

Soundtrack of the Minute - Schoolin' Life : Beyonce

"One day you'll run the town. For now, make your life what you decide"

"Just remember, stay relentless. Don't stop running until you've finished"

In the UK, there's growing emphasis and support for Apprenticeship schemes, and while I'm not a huge fan (having worked my ass off to pay extortionate post-graduate education fees) I believe in the idea behind it. Providing OTHER means for those without the means, to work their way to the top. As illustrated in my last post, I don't agree with the restriction this places on lower income institutions to provide apprentice/vocationally driven tuition from an early stage...but hey ho! Books ain't for all! I don't think it right to look any lower at someone because they're not as smart as you (book-worm wise), because who knows where they'll be in the future? Do you boo! Work with what you've got, to get to where you want to be.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! You may or may not need a degree to school life, but regardless, working your way to the top takes perseverance through the strife. Xisses 

Access Denied

It humours me when I receive emails alerting me of networking events, to mingle among the greats and get my foot through the door. This is in a society that goes the extra mile to depict the perfect image of equality among the masses; hoisting the flag of unity in diversity *tuts* Lets get real.

Dress : Miss Selfridge

Emigrating from Nigeria, a society that prided itself in self-made men; the 'Made in America' types, later became a society where those made men refused to relinquish their title & thus created a culture of acquired rather than achieved success. You'd think moving to the UK, which paints itself as a flat rate foundation for all to achieve success (or at least take a stab at earning it) would've propelled me to greater heights? *chuckles* However, that may have been the case in the Labour reign, but thats far from the case at present.

Suede Wedges : Select

I wrote an article for my University's law magazine in my final year, but that didn't even scrape  half of my sentiments at the misshaped right of access to the climb to the top for working class/ BME groups. Why paint over the fact that this is clearly a society that runs on the notion of 'its not what you know, but who you know'? After bagging a mini &  marshalling scheme from my connections, my usual plight to secure opportunities seemed like one big joke! Like, really? All the while, I should have been milking my gift of the gab. Who knew?

Soundtrack of the Minute : Started from the Bottom - Drake 

British government places a lot of emphasis on the transparency of the recruitment process, yet there are clear procedural miscarriages. All I ask is that the system becomes as equal as advertised. That means starting from the bottom (do I now need to dole out royalty cheques to Drake?). In line with Blair's infamous 3 words; more attention needs to be given to education. Not only is less light shed on the weight of academic achievements at lower income schools, but now, fundamental cognitive teaching resources have been shaved off the annual budgets. Already private scholars are on a higher stead, and thats before taking into account cultural capital or heirarchial access to the professions. Why rob the already less fortunate of the basic foundation they need to break free from their culture of deprivation? There just isn't enough being done to enlighten this said group of their realistic prospect of ever accessing the top. The average Joe stands no chance.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Why paint the picture of a class equilibrium when in reality such access is denied? Xisses

Thaw

Its common knowledge that I took a gap year following my undergrad degree, and used that year to gain legal experience in a prestigious law firm (good to see how the other side lived). Boy! Was I proud of myself. Then I got into all 3 of my selected law schools, and enrolled sometime in Autumn. My followers, friends and families were SO proud! I was proud of how far I'd come, but BOY was I in for a shock.

Jumper : Primark | Jeans : Primark

Having taken a backseat from education for months on end, and comfortably settled into the monotonous regime of a 9-5, my brain had turned to mush! I felt like a retard among a sea of vibrant and intelligent legal machines. Statutes spat out across rooms, and legislative provisions were excreted out like acceptable chunder, and it all swam above me, making me feel like a fish out of water. I'd gone through Primary, High School, College and eventually Uni feeling like I had my head firmly set on my head. Law School (Masters students/ gap year returnees will concur) made me feel like a mindless bimbo.

Faux fur headband : Primark | Faux fur shrug : eBay 

Watch : Michael Kors | Wellingtons : Hunter (Office)

What I'm here to tell you is to...PERSEVERE! My mother always said 'nothing comes easy, and if it does then it wont last'. Preach it Momma (irony is, she's a vicar lol).

It all gets better in the end (although I'm nowhere near the end, so perhaps I should abstain from grand prophecies). That's not to say you'll have a eureka moment and everything will magically just click and make sense. On the contrary, I'm here to tell you that good things come to those who wait, and work while they wait. No point indulging in a sulky moment or two, and letting the work pile up. No! Pick yourself up, draft a schedule and be prepared to work your arse off to remould your brain from mush. 

The same applies for those who have found it hard settling, or finding a place to settle in the job market after their degree. Its understandably hard to switch your mindset from academic to professional. Its hard to craft stellar applications that don't sound like the automated voice of ET drafted it. Its understandably difficult to turn your swag on from presenting final year pieces to planning presentations for an interview panel, but just remember, they did so too. Switching gears is difficult (clearly the words of a learner driver lol) but it can be done with a bit of work, advice, and patience. I recently attended an event and was graced with the moving and remarkable words of Sandie Okoro, and these words (among others I will be sharing with you) resonated with me the most:

"We were all born the same; dumb, naked, and incontinent" Sandie Okoro.

Whenever you feel inadequate for a role, or feel too stupid to raise your voice to answer the question you worked all night to understand...remember, we were all born the same, its up to you to grow up and make yourself different.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Sometimes the slow burn is the best way to achieve what you've worked for in return. Let it thaw. Xisses

Suits

Disclaimer: Apologies if my recent posts have been a bit heavy...I wish I could promise I'd steer away from that, but take me as I am. 

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."  Mark Twain

Suit : Dorothy Perkins | Slipper Loafers : New Look | Top : Thrifted (originally New Look)

For those who don't follow me on Twitter? I spent (or wasted. Its a matter of opinion) most of last week gushing over Harvey Specter, a dapper don of a lead character in the TV series, Suits. If you don't know...get familiar.

 Bag : Dune (giveaway win from Promise - '5 inch heels') | Watch : Guess

As you are well aware by this point, I've gone 'back to school', undertaking the practical qualification I will need to practice as a lawyer. One of the many requirements, is advocacy, which is heavily weighted on my course. Steering away from having a moan & groan, I will focus on the fickle aspect of the course...suits! Thats right, I actually HAVE to wear a suit to every advocacy class. The main aim of it is to get comfortable with 'court attire', and fully embody the profession in every session.

At first, I was apprehensive. I don't own a suit, neither do I look/ feel good wearing one. So here are the rules:

• MUST be a dark suit
• CAN be a skirt/ dress suit
• MUST be conservative (below the knee/ knee length)
• NO boots!

After watching Suits, I started to reason on the same wavelength as the law school, BSB, the Inns...etc. There's a certain presence that comes with a 'suit'. Not in the empty sense that some class those on Wall Street, but rather an air of self-importance, power and class. I want to embody that, and I find that when I don a suit, I can be that person. I walk with a grace and elegance that just isn't present in a skater skirt/ AA discopants *sniggers*. And quite honestly, I need it. I've realised, after a year of working in a subordinate role in a law firm, I lost my voice. So here I was, embarking on a profession that's dependant on advocacy and public speaking, and all of a sudden, I was frightened of it. Wearing a suit is like putting on a superhero costume, it allows me to be the best version of myself...even if only for a minute. 

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Suit Up!

Come Dine With Me

As you are all aware, I am pursuing a career at the Bar. I took a year out after graduating, in which to gain legal work experience. I worked at a prestigious law firm for the year, and learned the value of adequate prep time for a case, as well as other personal life lessons. My year-long paid legal stint further fuelled my passion to pursue a career as an advocate. Not belittling the role solicitors play, but I identified that my talents truly lay in active oral argument. The need to identify your talents as early on as possible, will help gear you in the right career path (for all those who asked). It is an important step to take in future planning; taking the time out to pinpoint where your interests lie, and how best to cater those interests to a specific field. This way, you are able to research alternatives in time to effectively carry things out without working to a tight deadline.

Dress : NEXT | Belt : Primark

As I was saying... in my gap year, I successfully applied for my Inn, and BPTC course at a prestigious law school. Aside from successfully completing your practical degree, you must have also attended 12 qualifying sessions (or dinners) before being called to the Bar. As some of you may be aware, I attended my first 'dinner' at my chosen Inn this week. I was a little more than nervous, but it was such an enjoyable event. I deliberated over what to wear, and decided on this rather conservative dress with my birthday heels.

 Heels : Carvela (Kurt Geiger) | Watch : Michael Kors | Ring & Studs : Swarovski

After filing into the courtyard, stunned by the sight of a couple hundred dark suits, I composed myself (in my tweed Chanel-esque H&M jacket) and made friendly with the girl beside me. Unlike other Inns, I was not made aware of the rule of 3, which encourages you to have communicated with at least 3 new people before you leave an event. Tottering at snail pace up the stairs in my stilettos, I managed to balance both a conversation and my stature, without falling flat on my face. After signing in, we were then all seated in a beautifully historic hall. Minutes ticked by before the panel of about 8 speakers walked in to deliver speeches on the ethos of the Inn, as well as several opportunities you were more than welcome to become a member of. The most memorable of them all, was delivered by the Vicar of the Temple Church, who tends not to shy away from his notorious reputation for telling off Dan Brown who shot the infamous Da Vinci Code in Temple Church.

All that aside, I must say (without sounding like an alcoholic socialite) that the most enjoyable moment came when the doors behind the speakers opened up. We were then ushered through to mingle, dine, and indulge in fine wine. I surprised myself by coming out of my shell (without the need for dutch courage) and casually liaising with renowned judges, QCs and past-students. I proudly managed to wangle a marshalling (chance to shadow a judge) opportunity with a judge off-the-cuff, as well as make a few new friends. This stood as proof against the recurring remarks I'd heard all my life, that I was unapproachable at first instance. 'Cos here I was being approached by those in high authority without hesitation. I lapped it up, for sure!  

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! In order to dine in an Inn, you must learn to shine from within. Xisses

There's an App for that

It's application season for us budding barristers, as the pupillage portal is near enough coming to its deadline day. But on the day these photos were taken, I was on my way to my BPTC Scholarship interview at my chosen Inn. Sadly, I was unsuccessful, but I try and see every disappointment as a blessing. Yes, I left empty-handed in relation to my primary purpose, however, I gained a wealth of knowledge on the interview process, my competition, and regained my drive for academic and professional success.

 Coat : Littlewoods Direct | Dress : H! by Henry Holland (Debenhams)
First advice I'd give is to suss your audience; I walked in feeling like a needle in a haystack. Everyone there was dressed in black (suits and tailored dresses) with the odd grey tossed among them, but nothing as daring as burnt orange I can assure you that. Although dress-code may be the last of your palava when preparing for an interview, comfort is key when trying to get your head in gear, and one way to ensure that is to dress the part.

 Bag : ZARA | Watch : Michael Kors | Pumps : H&M
Secondly, get as much interview practice and advice as you can. Silly old me, and my last-minute self, procrastinated making a call to my Barrister contacts until the day before my interview. Needless to say, it was too late to fully digest the advice I was given (also have a notepad and pen handy to take notes). I was a nervous wreck on the day of the interview as I over-thought the entire process, and put too much weight on their decision. Best thing to do the night before is get LOTS of rest, drink water, and do NOT try to retain any new information too soon before you kip. Drake's lyrics apply...PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE! It is important to be aware of all possible outcomes to questions, and learn to compose yourself in a manner that reflects well to the panel.

While researching for advice from past applicants, I found a disappointing gap in the market. I want to address what can be expected in this post, so future applicants can be more prepared than I was. This is risky business as I've always tried to separate my blogger persona from my professional life, but as I was asked in my interview about my blog, I don't see why not?
1) Upon arrival, you speak to the receptionist who ticks your name off on the register and then hands you a 'preparation sheet' which lists instructions on what to expect.
2) You (in a group of six) are called out to follow a volunteer to a room away from the crowd at the entrance; in my case, we were escorted to the Inn library upstairs.
3) You choose (from a range of three topics) what legal area you'd like to focus on (I chose 'family law') and you are handed a sheet. The sheet contains a scenario with various legal issues involved, you are given 45 minutes to take notes.
4) You are escorted out of the room and dropped like pins (one-by-one) at the grand doors of your interview rooms, where you nervously wait to be called in.
5) A panel member (my Inn's panel consisted of 4 distinguished members of the legal profession) struggles to open the chamber door and beckons you in, then introduces you to the other panel members. Names and titles are stated, and you are informed of what each member will be asking and looking for from you.
6) a. Case Study. Not like discussed online, you will not be expected to 'moot' your argument/ opinion back to the panel, instead, they will ask direct closed questions to which you are expected to know the answers without flicking through to cross-check (I failed in THAT department due to nerves)
b. Application Form. Second panel member dissects your application form querying various details. DO research and do NOT rush through the form last-minute. DO NOT mention dependents like they are plagues. Yes, as africans we know those leech-like relatives suck us dry for all we are worth, however, the panel are not so sympathetic.
c. Aspirations. Be sure of what area of law you are passionate about and do not tailor-make your answer to please your crowd. Also, be sure to tailor-make all your philanthropic pursuits and other interests around your chosen field if speciality.
Most importantly, BE YOURSELF. Interviews are like a marketing convention and the main product is you. Allow your personality to shine through and be as charismatic as you naturally are, anything forced will inevitably hit a brick wall.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Its app season, so give great answers & back them up with sound reason. Xisses