The 25 Plan

How fitting that having contemplated penning this piece for half a decade, when I finally get round to it, its just days before it can no longer apply to me. Perhaps its so you can benefit from the luxury of retrospect I now have? Or more truthfully, perhaps its a defence mechanism to guard me from the inevitable hurt that'll come from the realisation of the stark contrast between my vision and reality. During dinner recently with old friends, we discussed how naive we once were to have charted our achievements on a timeline that climaxed at 25. With some past that landmark seated at the table, it dawned on me that I wasn't alone in my lamentations.

iTuned In

I was fortunate enough to attend THREE iTunes Festival concerts in September! My sister took me as a guest to the Jake Bugg concert first where Valerie June opened for him. Secondly was the Jessie J concert with Lawson opening. And finally, was the John Legend concert with Tamar Braxton as his opening act. I'll round up the experience as flippin' fantastic, alliteration & all. The energy in the room was electric, the performances were phenomenal and the vocal range of the artists were worthy of commendation. I was thrilled to have been able to experience that and share it with you all because I truly had a blast!

Valerie June | Jake Bugg 

But the reason I'm sharing it now is not to rub your noses in my luck or to trill at how brilliant live music is in comparison to jamming with your headphones on the tube to your favourite artists. No. I wanted to share this experience because as i mentioned in my last post, I'm all about living in the now. I made a bucket list of key things I'd like to do, achieve or attend by the end of the year and I'm happy to say that i surpassed my expectations on the festival front. I was fortunate enough to have seen every single artist I'd like to have seen live this summer! Beyonce, JayZ, Justin Timberlake, Brandy, Jessie J, The Script, Frank Ocean, Miguel, Trey Songz, John Legend, Tamar Braxton, and many more! I'm thrilled to be able to successfully tick that off my list and move on to other things.

Lawson | Jessie J (Special Guests: Brandy & Dizzie Rascal)

You see, I reached a point where I was thumping on a brick wall. i was done with the party scene but i'm still very much a social butterfly. So what gives? I had to take a step back to see  what I truly enjoyed doing? I like travelling but the lack of funding inhibited me from fulfilling those dreams so i decided to do the next best thing and experience the most of my world as it existed around me. I was looking for culturally enriching experiences that were still enjoyable. As I've pretty much visited every major museum, that wasn't really on my radar.

Tamar Braxton | John Legend (Spotted: Vince Herbert)

Tuning in to life allows you to completely live life to fullest. By tuning in, you open yourself to more experiences and inevitably enjoy life more. So what if you don't like a particular scene? Find one that you DO like & pave the way, others will surely follow. I'm glad to proudly say I'm comfortable in my own skin & enjoy my own company, but I find this column especially beneficial to those finding themselves (especially if you're just coming out of a long-term relationship). Experiencing new things & ruling things out and circling things to re-visit is the best way to learn more about yourself. Your likes & dislikes. I learned that I aint mad at folk music by listening to Valerie June...who knew?

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Its time to tune in & adjust your life dial to experience it to the max.

Colourism

Apparently the world has evolved past the macroness of discrimination based on race and sex, and now there's a cause for concern among races (most notably the black community as highlighted in the 'Dark Girls' documentary) of discrimination based on colour. Not to trivialise the issue or diminish its impact on people's current & past experiences, but this is utter ign'ance that shouldn't be fed more air time than a few seconds (so read real quick).

I'd say my first experience of colourism was growing up in Nigeria where Igbo girls were stereotypically more fair skinned. I was...but oddly darkened in the British sun upon migration. It took one slither-tongued Aunty to break my sheltered existence of self-awareness, and the triggers began. By primary school, I had encountered real-life racism, and more obviously 'colourism' when a mixed race kid transposed his insecurities by calling me & my bestfriend 'monkeys'. It was odd, and I was confused. Who had given him the right to insult me? And what was the protocol in such circumstances?

Hat : Forever21 | Shirt : Primark | Jeans (Pre-BIY) : Thrifted (Croydon) | Pumps : Ethel Austin

By the time I'd reached high school, I was regularly used as the gauge. I was the 'acceptable' black skin colour in winter but too dark in the summer along with the 'ugly' girls in my year. It wasn't a pattern I was aware of until the dreaded ratings debaucle of Year 9. Adolescene is an era where everyone is finding their own identity, searching the hounds of people for those one can truly relate. In all honestly, no one has fully developed. Some may peak, but most wont have fully developed features until their late teens/early 20's, so all these goons that point fingers at who's ugly based on a gradient of shades? Well, that's just ign'ance rife!

Ring : Forver21 | Cuff : Boutique (Croydon)

I wasn't particularly moved by the content of the documentary because I found the message unmeritous to last an entire hour. I think this is an age-old mindset that should be put to rest. Every woman is beautiful in their own way. I mean, some of the women who are pedestalised are still single. Skin colour bears ZERO weight in this equation; its a matter of personal preference. What I think people should do is vet their thoughts first before deciding whats worthy of the public's attention. The fact that rappers enthrone the 'yellow bone' broads and bash down the darker skinned girls (unless you look like Kelly Rowland or Gabrielle Union apparently) is utter tomfoolery. To a certain extent this may just be black americans trying to pinpoint the reason for startling statistics on singleness in middle aged women of that demographic.

Soundtrack of the Minute - Holy Grail : JayZ ft. Justin Timberlake

'White beauty' is epitomised in beautyland. Caucasian (white) features such as the slimmer nose is still highly sought after but this isn't just a colourism battle at play here. Guys want (or atleast what the media depicts men want) a 'yellow bone' light skinned girl, with black girls' lips & hips but a Brazilian perky butt and a 'white' girl's submissiveness...etc etc. What are these said men bringing to the table but a list of unattainable demands? Why intelligent professors and renowned scientists chose to spend an hour of my time spieling utter rubbish spun by ignorant men is beyond me. Intrigue me with a debate on the justice system or rile my spirits with a debate on the glass ceiling! Please don't waste my time trying to rationalise people's personal preference. Will there be a programme scheduled next week to prompt lighter skinned girls to rise above the stereotypes that they are nothing but pretty? Don't just encourage the darker skinned girls to rise...urge humanity to. If the true message of the documentary was to urge us to equalise people irregardless of their shade, then it shouldn't have ended with the mantra "Rise. Dark Girls. Rise".

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Colourism is a cage, trapping its race in a prism of stagnation. We are a nation not to be divided by such ignorance but to strive to prevail above and beyond the structures that try to tear us apart from one another. Xisses

Social Network Etiquette: BBM

I want to start a series focusing on social network deviants. The tyrants that plague our walls, infest our timelines and suffocate us with broadcasts. This post will be focusing on BBM Beasts, but not to worry, there is more to come. I was moved to write this post after suffering from, not one, but TWO ASNBO's (spin on the UK's ASBO's but instead standing for Anti-Social Network Behavioural Order)...BLEURGH!

Cardigan : Primark (Menswear) | Dress : ARK Clothing

 Strike one of the day was when a contact I'd met a handful of times in Naij, and had been polite enough to switch pins with, made a grand assumption on my character. I'm not a fan of involuntarily nailing me to the couch for anyone's amateur psychoanalysis session, so I was not impressed. This bafoon claimed that I was a lot less endearing, and didn't seem happy of late. He commented on my recent display picture, and when I pointed out it was last summer, he claimed that made sense. I'm sorry, perhaps I don't seem as warm to you on BBM because your conversation never cross the barrier of polite introductions. Work on engaging a lady's interest beyond fickle compliments on her appearance and perhaps you might thaw me. *strike gong* CONVICTED!

Ring : *Gift | Necklace: eBay | Rings (stacked) : H&M | Belt : Primark

Watch : Guess | Boots : H&M

Next on the agenda: the goat who added me from a broadcast. No? I don't quite believe it either, so let me fill you in with a little back story. I have a policy to accept all contact invitations and then sieve my friends from [random] fools no further past the polite introductions. I'm always nice, put a smiley right after the "hi", before landing with the all-important question: "Sorry, how do I know you?" On a few occassions, its been thirsty goats who've stolen my pin from their friend's BB without his knowledge. On this occassion however, I was blown away. He got my pin from a broadcast that was circulating. Sorry? BY WHO? The goat feels guilty bleating his dude's name but check this, I don't even KNOW the fool! BBM prompts me to add him. Are you for real? WHO DOES THAT???? GUILTY!! *bangs gong multiple times*

I think it best I draft rules on BBM for the fools who aren't socially trained to understand basic networking skills. Feel free to add any you might have in the comments below. Here goes:

1) Do NOT start a conversation with a new (and old) contact if you cannot muster up banter beyond the "hello"s and "hi"s
2) Do NOT confide in a new contact about how much you've grown to 'love' him/her when your contact history has not reached the 2 month (or more) drop-down-bar status
3) Do NOT compare another's manner on BBM (e.g. how frequently they respond etc) to how they act in real life when you'd only been of acquaintance a handful of times or once, before switching pins
4) Do NOT broadcast another's pin...under ANY circumstances
5) Do NOT persist in sending multiple broadcasts those those who've outrightly expressed their loathing of the purple ink. Best believe you WILL get erased (and blocked).
6) Do NOT change your display picture more than a handful of times when you've freshly added a new contact in the bid to impress them with your best shot; you just end up looking MAD vain and conceited.
7) English vocabulary is your friend, spell-check before you hit 'enter'. It really isn't difficult to grasp the fact that a red squiggly line bum-raping misspelt lingo is an indication that a correction needs to be made.
8) DO NOT STEAL PINS! BLEURGH!!

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! BBM is an instant means of communication, not another medium of electronic provocation. Xisses

Stop The Traffik!

Currently reading The Long Song by Andrea Levy (great writer who also wrote one of my favourite BBC drama adaptations, Small Island), and I can't help but note what a shocking contrast it is to my last novel, My Last Duchess by Daisy Goodwin. Both remarkable pieces of work, I must note, but juxtaposed I cannot fail to draw comparisons with their authorial tones and viewpoints.
"If our ancestors survived the slave ship, they were strong. If they survived the plantation, they were clever" Andrea Levy quoting a Jamaican acquaintance.

 Boobtube : Ankara creation from Nigeria (remade by me) | Trousers : ZARA

Coming from direct African decent, I was ignorant to the history of slavery, cotton trade and plantation fields ironically, until I myself crossed the pond. I was such a tyrant in class, and acted out of character for one of colour during black history month and history lessons centring on the topic of slavery. In retrospect, it was my way of dealing with something that seemed alien and inhumane. How can one sell another human being? I struggled to understand the logic of self-imposed hierarchy. Who deemed one race superior over the other? These were the questions that played on my mind as I mocked Kunta in Roots, or made foul jokes at the expense of those whose heritage rode on it *bows head in shame*

 Wedges : Primark | Ring : **Gifted

My Last Duchess centres on a caucasian American heiress, but for the purposes of this post, I want to shed light on her mixed race maid. The author dabbled on the topic of inter-racial relationships, rape and slavery, but in such a dainty manner. The maid was given hand-me-downs and would pretend to be her mistress in town, trying to earn the same privileges. What I deduced from this, was an inferiority complex. The maid was willing to bend over backwards and sacrifice her happiness and her love life for an ungrateful mistress who accorded her no real respect. Andrea Levy, not too far into The Long Song, draws attention to the fact that the novel is not like others one may have read. The detail of the maltreatment of negroes is so graphic, and the degrading language flung around dismissively by the white slave masters cannot be mistaken.

"Those preachers have put it in their head that they are as worthy as a white man. Good chance to put those niggers back in their place" (Page 67 The Long Song - HardBack)
The harsh reality of slavery and the journey to cultural identity cannot be brushed over by embellished diction. The sad part is, slavery is far from being extinct. I watched shocking footage on sky sports lastweek, of a hidden camera which captured the illegal sale of African boys to several European countries with the promise of becoming a world class footballer, but under complete 'ownership' of his master. As a budding Human Rights' Barrister, this account enraged me. As today marks the assassination of MLK Jr, I urge you to look past colour and race, and look towards the plight of humanity as a unit. Take a second of your time today to think of MLK's 'dream, and pray for those not fortunate enough to have the freedom that we take so much for granted.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! "We lose ourselves when we compromise the very ideals that we fight to defend" Barack Obama. Xisses

Enugu 2011

It being the first day of the month and all...I thought it best to suck on a lolly of nostalgia for a brief bit. Plus, I'm seriously playing a losing game with time and I'm struggling to post all this stuff so I can finally be in the present...so here goes.

About a fortnight into my new job, I took 10-day holiday to Nigeria for my cousin's wedding in the East...and let me just say, it was BRILL! I made a handful of new friends & met tons of new family members. And not the ones that are tryna scrounge off you for every nickel you've got either, these were people who were lovely, and friendly, and generous from their own pockets. Never spent a dime of my own money on their turf...loved it! I always make a BFF on every trip & this time *points above* the bestie in question was a lovely lass, cousin of a cousin, bearing a fitting name as well, Angel. We were in the wedding train together as the youngest bridesmaids so we had an instant connection. Also, with me being a tomboy at heart, and she being young at heart and eager for male attention, we spent most of our time jammin' in the guys' room together as the sole female pair. We crashed their palm-wine binging sessions (cat out of the bag...yes NeeNee, it was us that downed the good keg on the 1st night *blush*), FIFA tournaments & lads' nights out to the clubs and 'joints' LOL.

We touched down in Lagos, and were warmly welcomed by no electricity, a broken waterpump and delicious homecooked jollof rice by our house help. We only stayed there for 2 days before jetting off to Enugu, but made fun a priority. Everyone that goes 'back home' understands that its never a holiday, but not this time. We made sure to venture out solo (me & my brother *not pictured*) and interact with the locals....twas SO much fun. I was the talk of my estate by Day 3 with my skater skirts & slender legs. Guys in foreign countries are much more forward than what we're used to in the UK. On our flight to the East, I met the comedian Clint the Drunk (pictured above) and Nkem Owoh when we touched down (but my camera cockblocked my claim to fame).

The wedding was the day after we hit town, and as me & Angel had crashed the guys' room under the impression we were going on a mad bender the night before (we were disappointed as nothing really took off that night but drinking and banter, which was still fun), we ended up kipping at 4am, and were groggily woken up at 6AM!!! 2 hours beauty sleep...IMAJ?? The wedding was a beautiful affair, with a gorgeous theme of fuschia, champagne and teal. The bridesmaid's dresses were floor-length teal gowns, and we had our hair professionally tied up and fastened with gold bands; jewellery and makeup were to your discretion. As you can see, I kept it simple with a flush of the themed colours, but nothing too dramatic. The ceremony itself, was held in the city cathedral, and the reception in an immaculately decorated hotel banquet hall not too far away.

We spent the rest of our time in Enugu trippin' from icecream parlours, 'point & kill' joints, to clubbing and just generally chillin'. I realised in my time there, that I'm a hot freakin' commodity, and came back to London with a renewed flair for adventure and life. I was beaming for like 2 weeks straight (and need to go back to that *forcefully grins*) and that bubbly aura was contagious. I was getting approached far more and it was clear that 'cos I'd altered my attitude towards life, ergo my life had altered. Sometimes it takes a step out of your norm, to truly gauge what your ideal is.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Enugu 2011...Reunion Coming Soon! Xisses

Scripted Reality

Disclaimer: I've already touched on some qualms I have with reality TV shows like Love & HipHop in the past...[click here] for some background.

Currently reading the 2nd installment of Lauren Conrad's LA Candy series, and I'm finding it quite insightful. As a reality TV veteran (having watched all walks of life - genre - from age-old MTV classics like 'NewlyWeds' and 'The Osbournes', to terrestrial TV's saviours like 'XFactor', 'Made in Chelsea', 'TOWIE' & 'Big Brother', to my current faves; the black-stereotype spotlight pieces like 'Braxton Family Values', 'Love & HipHop' and 'Basketball Wives'), I am aware that its not quite as 'real' as they would have us believe.

Scarf : **Grandma's | Blazer : Thrifted (Wales) | Shirt : Primark (Menswear) | Skirt : Primark | Braided Shopper Bag : ZARA | Suede Brogues : NewLook

Reading the LA Candy series is eye-opening. Yes, I was always aware that, quite like wrestling (sorry if I killed anyone's naive belief that WWE wasn't staged), the TV Networks deliberately set-up scenarios for these 'real' individuals to then 'act normal'. Aside from the extent to which producers would go to orchestrate drama for ratings, what I found disturbing, was the level to which these said individuals were willing to stoop for more airtime. Its sick to think they are willing to play obedient lil' puppets for our entertainment.

Head Candy : Primark | Rings : eBay & DorothyPerkins | Necklace : DorothyPerkins

I mean, I can't quite wrap my head around someone as old as my Aunty slurring about loyalty, throwing drinks across the dinner table at her 'friends' or even GOING to a club, talk less of causing a raucous there. Its unreal (pun intended). Needless to say (although her style of writing is a tad lacklustre, and her diction rather basic – buy a thesaurus Lauren Conrad, or right-click on Synonyms in Microsoft Word) Lauren Conrad had me sucked in and blown away from the get-go...ok, I lie, from about 75 pages in LOL.

(Boxing Day Outing with the siblings)

LA Candy touches on the ins & outs of the life of a reality TV star. I mean, it's a great avenue to showcase [non]talents, but at the same time, it opens the floodgates for shame, immaturity and basic life. The protagonist struggles to understand WHY the public are so interested in a regular girl, and perhaps its because of the level to which we can relate to her, or other reality TV stars. The age of pedestalising celebrities has long passed, with all those 'Fabulous Life' MTV shows seeing better days. Now, I think the public are more concerned with how others live their day-to-day lives, except, the big TV dons won't show us that. Instead, they buy out villas, rent tables at the top bars and and splurge thousands on flashing a faux-flambouyant lifestyle, in a bid to woo us to covet. 

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Just like a script, in reality tv, what goes up shall surely come down. Xisses

3-IN-1

Hola booskis! I've been SUCH a bad lil blogger haven't I? GOLLIE! Feel like I've been MIA from the scene from a while but thanks for all the lovely comments and emails, you guys keep me going. So this will DEF go under the 'Bleurgh From The Past' slot as the weekend in London has gone past and this all happened on the Thursday before so I apologise.

Anyway, I felt like a right socialite cos I multi-booked my day and ended up going to 3 things in the matter of hours - 1st a Mentor-Scheme do, then a Medics Fashion Show and finally on a night out with my girlies, the last of which was SO last minute I didn't even plan or HAVE anything to wear...but you'll see what I Gok'd up.

STUDENTS AS PARTNERS PRESENTATION

This event was SO dry I was yawning and tweeting my whole way through...the finger-food was delectable though, from a range of sushi to soft-cheese wrapped with smoked salmon ...etc

Dress : **Flatmate's | Corsage : Dorothy Perkins | Blazer : Dorothy Perkins

FASHION SHOW

The cause was the promotion of sexually transmitted diseases I think, or I'd be worried on why I walked out with a goodie bag of lube & condoms *insane side-eye*

GNO

We were bored at the fashion show and my girlies mentioned an impromptu night-out and I thought, why the hell not? I didn't have any outfits with me and my apartment's kinda out of the way so I decided to tweak whatever i came across in my friend's closet. Considering she had just done the laundry, my choices were relatively limited...

Blazer : Dorothy Perkins 

Boobtube (a string vest pyjama-top tucked into strapless bra) : **borrowed from friend

Skirt : **borrowed from **Toy | Heels : Debenhams 

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Bish-Bash-Bosh what an eventful evening, couldn't wait to rest my tush. Xisses

Status : Secrecy

"So long my lovesick youngsters. Goodbye my used to be friends...Farewell to my long-lost friends" 

All The Boys - Keri Hilson

This is running on the theme of yet another tag I am introducing called 'Bleurgh From The Past' and will feature old pictures and Vleurghs I never quite got round to posting. 

 This was the day before I left Manchie for the festive holidays and I HAD to 'launch' (as Mummy says) my leather shorts before I left. 

Fur Headband : Primark | Snood : Primark | Loose Tank : BAY Trading 

Chain Arm Candy : House of Fraser | Leather-look (actually Viscose) Jacket : ZARA

Cardigan : Primark (Menswear)

 Leather Shorts : Primark | Boots : Barratts

 This was taken by a stranger, shopping for rings with her boyfriend. I lied that I needed these pictures for a class project and I needed the pics against a retail background....oh I love white lies! LOL

Head Candy : Vintage Store (Selsdon) | Snood : Primark | Oversize Shrug : Lipsy (purchased from eBay)

Loose Tank : Tommy Hilfiger | High-Waist Shorts : Primark | Boots : Barratts | Bag : ZARA

 The Sunday after Christmas, me and my sister indulged in a mini-photoshoot in our backgarden LOL.....I got a balloon from church inscribed with the words "Happy Birthday Jesus" and that was my prop for the day :)

Blazer : H&M | Dress : Debenhams | Wedges : Christmas gift from **Chux

 Whenever me and the family get together, we just have so much fun! As you can see from my face, I'm a tad giddy with joy....I can't quite contain it *giggles* I flipped the camera and let **Cidz join in too. She's a nutter!

As you guys know, I'm not one for divulging secrets. But a good friend and I "laid all our s**t bare" (my ex co-blogger **Tee's favourite line from 'Save the last dance'), now I wish I didn't cos the consequences have proven fatal. Is it better for a 'friend' to withhold the truth and let you carry on with your life, or to tell you the secret, as painful as it may be to hear, and let time heal the wound? 

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Clinging on to the past only seizes your progress to the future. Xisses

P.S. Thanks for all the support! BLEURGH  has just reached the 10,000 mark since its solo-relaunch in November. And thanks to all my new and old followers!! Can't believe I now have 60+...I'm so grateful xisses