The 25 Plan

How fitting that having contemplated penning this piece for half a decade, when I finally get round to it, its just days before it can no longer apply to me. Perhaps its so you can benefit from the luxury of retrospect I now have? Or more truthfully, perhaps its a defence mechanism to guard me from the inevitable hurt that'll come from the realisation of the stark contrast between my vision and reality. During dinner recently with old friends, we discussed how naive we once were to have charted our achievements on a timeline that climaxed at 25. With some past that landmark seated at the table, it dawned on me that I wasn't alone in my lamentations.

The Hairless Feminist

"Aren't hairy armpits meant to be trendy for you ladies right now?" the hottie Doctor asked me before dissecting what looked like lymph nodes from under my armpits. Not the most attractive start to a post, but welcome to the ugly face of beauty.

A Little Life

I was sent an electronic copy of 'A Little Life' by Hanya Yanagihara by Pan Macmillan to read and review on BLEURGH, but the review was delayed by the hefty 700+ pager the novel boasts. It was only upon leafing through last week's exclusive digital Stylist Magazine issue, that I found just how big a deal Yanagihara's novel was; listed as a summer must-read! Long-listed for the Man Booker Prize, A Little Life tells the story of Jude whose past experiences as a child, mar his ability to function socially as an adult in his plight to leave that turbulent past behind. I will endeavour to dart past possible spoilers, but let me assure you, A Little Life's 700+ pages is no joke; littered with rape, child abuse, addiction, physical and sexual abuse, suicide, dysfunctional families, status frustration, 30-year landmark, self-harming and grief. Although slow with the dramz, A Little Life quickly builds from an apt almost-reality show docu-view of bachelor life, to recounted trauma and chronicled self-harm, which I will thematically discuss in classic BLEURGH fashion. 

"settling for something that was not quite your first choice of a life seemed weak-willed and ignoble"

Dress : Lavish Alice (ASOS) | Shoes : Office

"the pressure to achieve happiness felt almost oppressive"

Orange Aint The New Black

I don't watch the show 'Orange is the New Black', so this is in no way a review. My rationale is, if I wanted to see girls in uniform getting it on, I'd commit a crime & drop the soap once incarcerated. That may not be the mindset of avid viewers, but that's my prerogative. This post title is a multiple entendre; 'orange' symbolising caucasians who taint their identity in the hope of being embraced by the minority-ethnic society; 'aint' because there is no substitute for being black; 'new' symbolising the contemporary understanding of what it means to be a millennial black person; and 'black' being all encompassing of minority-ethnic groups and culture.

Dress : Topshop | Studs : Betsey Johnson | Heels : Dorothy Perkins

#BeingFemaleInNigeria

I was innocently perusing my Twitter timeline yesterday and stumbled upon this trending topic; #BeingFemaleInNigeria. I immediately stalked the # conversation as I was intrigued to see what issues Nigerian women chose to raise awareness of & was hit by a trend; females tweeted seriously about gender inequality in the justice system, professional and domestic spheres, while the males mockingly tweeted about the financial implications of dating a Nigerian woman, marrying one, or cheating with one. Yes, being a Nigerian female sounded like a burden from females' accounts of injustice with child-rearing, social expectations & treatment from their female peers/ male counterparts. Finally, I wasn't alone in my pubescent whining!  I remember endless heated debates with Nigerian males who can't understand why I believed our culture wrongly denoted praise to men. In their eyes, women were rightly praised at any given event for holding down the fort. I begged to differ. 

Turban & Dress : Designed and sewn by me (DIY)

Mad Max

Went to watch Mad Max this weekend and it was everything I envisioned and more. Aside from my fave, Tom Hardy playing lead alongside Charlize Theron, it had all the action, undercover romance & minimal scripting I need in a 'leave-your-brain-at-home' action flick. But you all know me far too well to think even a gun-guzzler of a film like Mad Max could keep me from seeking deeper directorial connotations and subliminal moral messages, surely. So in true BLEURGH review fashion, here are a few themes I picked out & I think are well worth sharing with you all.

Jacket : Klass Collection | Bodysuit : AQAQ | Midi Skirt : River Island 

Retro-Grade

When you're drowning in a sea of disappointment, dread and dead-ends, you can't help but shut the world out semi-consciously. It starts with the subtle declines to social events. Then follows the contact avoidance of your nearest and dearest. In a bid not to cause any discomfort to others, you've left yourself without the basic social comforts of a loving and supportive network at your darkest time.

Hat : ASOS | Bardot Ankara Top : DIY (originally dress from Lagos) | Jeans : New Look

Perspex Perspective

"The difference between an opportunity and an obstacle is your attitude. Your faith has to be greater than your fear." @Women_Of_Christ.

We all go through challenges in life that just won't budge. You try this arena and that avenue to no avail, and just when you decide to throw in the towel, God bucks up and throws you a bone. This "bone" allows you to envision greater depths than the four walls of your kennel & gives you the energy shot of a lifetime to propel yourself higher than Cruft's highest hurdle. 

Photographer: Amaksy* (online alias)

Top : Thrifted | Skirt : Karen Millen | Sandals : Market (Nigeria) | Bag : ZARA

Losing Heart

Another month, another book. I was sent a digital copy of 'Losing Heart' by the author, Donna Brown, to read and review. This is a gripping novel about Helen, who having waited months for a heart transplant, is given a second chance at life. Her gratitude following the successful surgery sees her reach out to the mother of the donor heart in what starts as a promising friendship, but soon turns into one plagued with lies, secrets and deceit. She soon discovers that "Mother [doesn't always] know best" Chapter 11.

Tartan Shirt : Motel Rocks | Skirt : ZARA | Sandals : TJ Maxx

Politic'd Off

2015 has been the year of interest in politics and current affairs. From the Goodluck Jonathan vs. Buhari showdown Nigerian elections, to the Labour vs. Conservative battle just last week in the UK. It seems all conversations lately have centred around the economy, social mobility and maintaining a fair justice system, among other manifesto headlines. It might stun some of you, in light of the fact I'm often praised for my intellect in the comments below, but I grew up overstating my loathing for politics and current affairs. Growing up in Nigeria, politics seemed like a hobby for overworked business men, hacked up on liquor with tobacco'd puff-clouds swarming above their heads as they discussed issues they would never take active steps to rectify, or people they'd never vocalise such disdain towards if met face-to-face. I found their droning about problems mind-numbing, and thought of nothing worse than submerging myself in that clear blame culture. 

Coat : River Island | Shirt : TK Maxx | Dress : H&M

Spooks: The Greater Good

I was lucky enough to win free tickets to a private pre-screening of Spooks before it hits cinemas this week, courtesy of O2. I was a bit apprehensive, having never watched the series before, but thankfully it was a "walk in blind" plot & what a stellar plot it was. Luckily for you all (as it means no spoilers) what I found most interesting was actually in the title itself; leaders working for the greater good. As a Christian, this theme is not alien to me as I believe Jesus committed the ultimate sacrifice upon the cross. Somehow, it sounds unreal, somewhat idealistic; leadership through servanthood, but people in positions of authority have to make such decisions each and every day! Spooks encouraged me to dissect the thought-process of a good leader, and the characteristics that set such individuals apart from their peers.

 "A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way" John C. Maxwell

Duster Trench Coat : Thrifted | Bodysuit : H&M | Trousers : Wallis

"A good leader is not a searcher...but a moulder of consensus" Dr. MLK Jr. 

What struck me were the different characteristics of the leaders showcased; manipulative, selfish, acting without self-doubt...the list was endless, but multidimensional. Good leaders and bad leaders could be told apart by the motive behind their actions (i.e. Selfish vs Selfless), but more interestingly, the best leader steered clear of the spotlight, allowing others to shine in his place.

O2 Greenwich

"A good leader takes a little more than his/her share of the blame, a little less than his/her share of the credit" Arnold H. Glasow  

Deflecting praise/ spotlight need not be self-deprecating, but a means of encouraging others to step up to responsibility (and perhaps even lightening your own workload in the process?). As a Sunday school teacher, what I've found enlightening of late (in my effort to instil a sense of leadership in the younger generation) is those who thirst for the limelight often find themselves knocked down at the earliest hurdle. Taking a step back allows you to better assess the situation, and act in the best interest of all concerned, not just oneself. Thus making you a better leader than the megalomaniac emperor in new clothes.

Bag : Warehouse | Watch : Guess (Bicester Village) | Sneakers : River Island 

"A leader's job is not to do the work of others, it's to help others figure out how to do it themselves" Simin Sinek

What I loved most was the last 10-15mins of the movie; the climax. Aside from the action & general ghen-ghe'ness of the shooting & what have you, the lesson was that we all have leadership innately built within us! It's up to you whether you choose to seize that quality or not...and how you choose to use it also. The good leader taught a man to fish & sent him on his merry way to fend for himself with invaluable skills that won't steer him wrong, and the bad leader ended up jeopardising lives, their's being no exception. Take heed.

"A leader is best when people barely know he exists" Lao Tzu

Nevergreen

I couldn't help chiming As Told By Ginger's theme tune by Macy Gray while writing this; "Someone once told me the grass was much greener on the other side. Well, I paid a visit, though its possible I missed it, it felt different, yet exactly the same." Is that the truth or what?

Blazer : ZARA | Dress : Boohoo | Loafers : H! by Henry Holland

We live in the age of comparison; its subconscious. Scrolling through your timeline/feed, you can't help but covet thy neighbour's X or pine after your peer's Y. You want it so bad. Yearn for it for so long. Want turns to need. And soon, you can't envision what live would be without it, so you begin its hot pursuit. Well, I'm here to discuss what occurs once it's been attained; the anti-climax. The "now what?" moment I've spoken about in the past. 

Geffrye Museum, Museum of the Home

I've abandoned some and basked in others, yet the feeling remains exactly the same. Much like the Macy Gray lyrics, I found that yes, I've felt accomplished for a nanosecond and somewhat smug about that particular achievement...all before reality set in. You see, no matter what, there's always a con to every pro. That's the beauty of life; it is perfectly imperfect. Nobody or their life is perfect. Third world relatives look to first world underclass relishing their constant electricity and Liberty, yet the same can be said vice versa of the exotic climate and liberal lifestyles. 

Maturity dawns at the realisation that green grass is relative. Shades can be misinterpreted, and texture can be acclimatised to. What am I driving at? Success is what you make it. The mind is a powerful tool; what you visualise comes to pass in your actions. So learn to live in the moment and relish every second as a blessing. Training my mind to alter my outlook rather than bask in my circumstance is what I believe keeps me accomplishing achievements beyond my heart's desires because I'm focused on pleasing a higher power (God), rather than pitting myself against X or Y (earthly desires/ vanity). I feel like this is the umpteenth time of me drumming in this message, but it still hasn't hit home for me yet, and I'm guessing someone else reading this feels the same. 

"Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by doubt, and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue" Dane Cook

Fool to Full

We are all familiar with the saying "fake it until you make it". That's an all-rounder that applies to sex appeal, intelligence...and happiness. There's been a surge in open admittance to depression of late; from the likes of everyday bloggers to Chimamanda Adichie. Unconsciously, we are creating a culture that openly accepts it's ok to feel sad & in one's feelings. However, the flip side is we're, in essence, nurturing a younger generation to indulge in negativity and dwell on their failures, rather than accept it and aspire to success.

Coat : ZARA | Blazer : Fenwick | Shirt : Blanco | Trousers : Wallis

I have come to discover, through my faith, that wholeness is not in the world. Seeking happiness in earthly pleasures and vanity is futile. This, in my humble opinion, is where we have erred. We are running blindly into self-constructed brick walls of goal schedules and time-limited life plans, all in a bid to gain that thing to complete us. Don't think you are exempt because you place more value in philanthropy or family life than career goals. I see you puffing your chest proudly parading your bae's recent promotion to singletons. It's one and the same.

Bloggers Fashion Week London #BFWL

It is only right to acknowledge my foolishness on April Fools' Day, because I truly have been a fool. A fool to think I can complete myself with attainment of a degree or a dream career, or the perfect networking circle. That's not to diminish the achievement of each, but to recognise that each is only a checklist. Let's be real. After each, we find ourselves thinking "what next?", and that's because we've over-valued each goal as the end goal. 

Boots : Dorothy Perkins

The end goal is no goal at all. The end goal should be realising we are not the author & finishers of our own destinies. And without force-feeding my faith to you, it's the realisation that seeking one-ness with God is the only goal one should endeavour to attain but on a daily basis. I have fallen victim to the alternate lifestyle in the past, and have even blogged about it countless times, but learning to set aside deadline goals to God is a new found challenge and one I think will lighten and enlighten others of the load of depression. Not only are you displacing responsibility for failure, but you are also freeing up the weight of planning, mapping and check-listing SMART steps. That's not to say we waddle through life aimlessly, but rather, learn that we are only vessels for a greater purpose than our small minds can conjure up in dreams. 

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool" William Shakespeare

Watersmeet

In the spirit of continuing with my effort to read atleast one book a month, I was sent a digital copy of Watersmeet by Rachel Cotterill to read and review. Watersmeet (is the first of a series centred around the Twelve Baronies) is the tale of the protagonist, Ailith, who is informed of her innate magical abilities by a mysterious elder, Malachi. Magic is heresy under Temple Law, with a penalty of death, and thus begins Ailith's wonderful secret adventure to self-discovery through self-assessment and experimentation. I can't lie, I found it very difficult connecting with the plot, and that will be reflected in my somewhat lacklustre review, but I will endeavour to shed light on its themes, etc nonetheless in true BLEURGH fashion.

Sleeveless Duster Coat : LOVE Clothing | Jumper : Forever 21 | Leggings : Mango

Dumming Down - What I found particularly interesting was the fact Ailith lived in a patriarchal society where female literacy was unheard of. A woman's sole focus - akin to Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice ladies - was to be married off to a suitable suitor, and live a submissive life as a wife. Ailith is the rebel who was taught to read and write by her somewhat-feminist grandmother, but must keep it a secret in order to be socially accepted. When this issue first crops up, its interesting to note that Ailith also conceals her intelligence so as not to appear more intelligent than her male counterparts, which is an idea that is still evident today. While in Nigeria, afriend of mine informed me that her entire department were deterring her from returning to the States to pursue a Masters degree, for fear of capping her marriage eligibility criteria. Nonsense!  The fact that we still live in an age where it's advised to dumb down so as not to intimidate a man is just...dumb! Surely, your likely match will challenge you in all realms; intellectually, physically, emotionally, spiritually...etc.  

Lunch & Cruise along River Thames - City Cruises

Familial Detachment - I found Ailith's relationship with members of her family somewhat interesting. She is drowned in a big somewhat gypsy-like family, and although the book commences with petty sibling squabbles and personality differences, its clear there's an air of love and affection customary of traditional collective cultures. I grew up in a similar household where my siblings and I were pitted against one another by my parents, yet, inspired one another to achieve our very best. Cheerleaders and competitors, if you will. In this age where competition is feared and stigmatised, I believe an upbringing in such environments is imperative to instil the right drive to achieve great goals from an early age. 

Fur Headband : Primark | Fur Shrug : eBay

Love, Lost & Found - I liked the romantic twist in the tale and how it didn't fall into the predictable mould. Sometimes love stares you right in the face, and other times its in the oddest of places, and I found the book perfectly depicted the nature of love. I will leave that topic to speak for itself as I'm still a learner and cannot claim to be an expert. Watch this space.

"It can only [work] when you add your intention to it. Know how to project your intention" Watersmeet

Strong Black Woman

This post now featured in African Woman Magazine

I endured the first 6 or so episodes of Shonda Rhimes' 'How To Get Away With Murder' and was enthralled by yet another depiction of the 'Strong Black Woman' (SBW) in the media of late. Case in point: Scandal's Olivia Pope, Suits' Jessica Pearson, not to mention the latest offering from BET, Being Mary Jane's Mary Jane Paul. The image of the SBW is being shoved so far down our throats as a flawed mould that it's odd to see why so many aspire to be carved into it in the first place. 

Jumper : TKMaxx | Tanktop (layered) : H&M | Leggings : Mango

All the characters named above are prime examples of the fact the SBW is expected to function without limits; without emotive reasoning; in solitude...in fiction. A SBW is somewhat superhuman; enduring all manners of social ills, caring for everyone else's need but theirs, and much more all without relying on another soul & bearing the brunt of the burden solo. One of my favourite songs from The Hills' soundtrack is Ingrid Michaelson's Breakable, whose chorus lyrics always resonate with me; "we are so fragile like cracking bones, we're all just breakable". The SBW is flawed because it discounts for the simplicity of human nature; we are fragile creatures. It's falicy to think the SBW can survive abuse, under-appreciation, subordination, overwork, infidelity, and all-in-all BS, because she is built of stronger stuff than her counterparts. 

Official Tour of the Chelsea Football Stadium

It's taken my own self-analysis & the near breakdown of an SBW, for me to humanise this model & see its unworkability because there was a time (and I'm sure many can relate & still pine for it) I too wanted to be an SBW. Growing up watching my mother as superwoman beat the odds, sh*t on gender stereotypes & still hold down a home, was admirable to say the least...but at what cost? Maturity of mind is necessary to understand that invincibility is mythical. A SBW, like every other woman, suffers, and it need not be in silence; cries, and it need not be in the confines of her room; yearns, and it need not be for material possessions but the love & support of another; works, and it need not be for others to reap the fruits of her labour...and the list goes on. This image of self-sufficiency is damaging young women growing into the mould & falling short when deemed undesirable because they lack vulnerability they were never taught was desirable in the first place.

Hat : Forever 21 | Jacket : ZARA | Necklace : Dorothy Perkins | Boots : New Look

In the infamous words of Ri-Ri "we all want love, we all want the same thing". The need for support is not a sign of weakness but a recognition of the limitations of basic human inadequacy & the realisation of the strength of dependence. The notion that to be "strong" insinuates eternal independence & invulnerability is unrealistic & what's driving rising single-parenthood, divorce rates and infidelity in black culture. It's time we took steps to actively shift the emphasis of the SBW as a power house, and instead choose to highlight her power source: network of friends; a loving & mutually dependent partner; her spiritual faith, etc. 

"Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weaknesses" Madame Marie du Deffand 

Those Who Said No

I've always steered clear of turning BLEURGH into a platform to promote my political or religious viewpoints. However, I have been vocal about my opinion of human rights atrocities (especially pertaining to women's rights) in the past, and will endeavour to remain somewhat objective in this post. I attended a private screening of 'Those Who Said No' courtesy of JUSTICE yesterday, and stayed for the Q&A, which was hosted at Linklaters LLP. 'Those Who Said No' is an independent film by Nima Sarvestani, which documents the accounts of survivors of the Iranian massacre of the '80s as they testify at the People's Tribunal in The Hague in 2013.

Blazer : H&M | Dress : House of Fraser | Belt : Marks&Spencer

I am an avid viewer of BravoTV's 'Shahs of Sunset' and (prior to this event) had only a vague understanding of the extent of 'The Bloody Decade' in Iran. However, I was soon adequately informed about the oppressive government of 1980's Iran, which cemented its power by persecuting and wrongfully imprisoning Marxist revolutionaries, liberal activists and innocent people who protested for change. Those Who Said No is a powerful documentary, highlighting the bitter reality of the families and victims whose unwavering determination to bring the perpetrators of the Iranian regime and massacres, to justice, resulted in the scale and severity of the atrocities of the former regime being brought to light. The victims of unwarranted detention shared their accounts of inhumane and degrading torture they witnessed in graphic detail, leaving some members of the audience in tears. Heartbreaking images of 'coffins', where individuals were forced to sit in a small cubicle for 14/15 hour a day, blindfolded, with nothing but propaganda media audible. This sensory deprivation was intended to brainwash those incarcerated and create a factory of supporters; silencing their views, individuality and right to freedom. Aside from atonement and punishment, the victims were able to fire up the machinery of justice by 'exposing historical truth', after 25+ years of silence.  

House of Parliament, Westminster (London)

The documentary cleverly juxtaposes the testimonies in the Iran Tribunal with personal narratives and investigative footage of Nima and one survivor's search for justice in the interim, having been plagued by these atrocities for decades. Footage of an Iranian woman trailing the barren land (exposed as a mass gravesite) detailing the emotions of the community of mourning mothers whose sons and loved ones were cruelly murdered and secretly buried at night only to be discovered upon digging the raw soil with their bare hands and catching glimpses of their attire or distinct limbs riled a few audience members and left me raw with retributive rage. Before the credits, the post script notified a dumbfounded audience that the UN are yet to take action having been issued with the findings of The Hague Court of Justice since 2013. Neither have the perpetrators been prosecuted. In fact, those named and shamed in the public inquiry were found to now hold strong positions of authority in political, legal and democratic seats in Iran to date. 

Private Screening and Q&A of 'Those Who Said No'

It is clear that the actions of that anti-democratic regime was oppressive and inhumane, and should be brought to justice. I cannot begin to understand what it must feel like for the victims who suffered in the hands of such barbarians and can not only continue to live their lives, but are brave enough to share their accounts and enlighten millions of the massacre and gave injustice that occured. One cannot turn on the TV of late without being bombarded with anti-'Islamist' propaganda. I am no religious scholar, neither is this the platform to discuss, persecute or promote a religion above another. On the contrary, I (without sounding like an oyibo on social trial who lists the non-caucasian acquaintances on his/her Facebook friend list) surround myself with individuals of all faiths, and find it culturally enriching and thought-provoking to intellectually debate the differences, similarities, limitations, etc of each faith and motivate one another to pursue their calling respectively. Something that has been coined by philosophers as 'interfaith'. 

I had to bite my tongue and nib my pen one too many times when drafting this post, all too aware of the consequences of 'free speech' stifled in the hands of narrow-minded oppressors a la Charlie Hebdo. The Hague and the opportunity to share their stories with the world provided a cathartic form of therapy for the victims and challenged my perception of justice.

One must be aware that the establishments are made up of the arsonists as well as the fire brigade.

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