Public Relations

*Sips Twinnings Lemon & Ginger Tea* Yasssss Hunny! Grand epic juices flowed down my Instagram feed this weekend! I'm sure you all heard, but in case you didn't? Let me fill you in on the details that seeped into the public domain. Karrueche Tran broke up with Chris Brown, and he embitteredly leaked intimate details of their relationship (from threesomes to contractual obligations stated from the outset) and the circumstances surrounding their breakup (she allegedly cheated with Drake). *smothers tea bag with manuka honey and pours steaming hot water into mug* See, Chris Brown rightly thinks we were all entitled to this information because we are fans...no wait, we are friends...hmm scratch that, we are...we're NOTHING to them!

Dress : Red Herring (Debenhams)

I've been thinking about the growth and popularity of gossip of late, and this incident stood to magnify the problem with modern culture; we are too engrossed in the life of others! I for one, scrolled, scowled and was scorned by the tea spilt by Mr Sweet Boy Brown. I just don't understand why there was any real need to tarnish her image publicly. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" William Congreave penned, but I guess  in the age of metrosexuality and mitches, the lines are blurred. My guy was BURNT and felt no way about letting the world see just how wounded he truly was, and point fingers at the root cause while he was at it.

City of Bath

My brother shared a similar exposé with me recently; one of his boys had stumbled across vindictive messages on his girlfriend's phone, informing him of just how exactly she had been cheating on him. My guy then screen captured the texts and put her on blast on his Facebook. Literally a whole album showcasing how his ex had broken his heart. I love a good bit of gossip, God forgive me, but I feel like a line has to be drawn when it comes to the intimate details of one's relationship. I was reading Absolutely Lucy's post on the 10 signs your relationship needs to go offline, and found myself nodding in concurrence on all points made.

Necklace : Abuja Arts & Crafts Market | Watch : Guess

Sandals : Enugu Market

We live in this super snazzy tech world where we feel like our own PR. We can photoshop our lives and crop out the nonsense we'd rather hide from the world. However, in this age of 5 seconds of fame, it seems we've become far too engrossed with sharing than we are living. If Brown had only taken a minute to truly reflect upon his emotions, he'd have exercised some self-restraint before embarrassing Karrueche and himself (and the third parties involved *wink wink*) publicly. I'm not alien or immune to this. I, myself, have previously shared one too many details of my relationship on social networking sites (from Facebook profile pics and relationship statuses to BBM status updates), and was forced to deal with public intrusion when sh*t hit the fan. What happened to intimate details remaining behind closed doors? Perhaps there are some benefits that come of sharing the inner workings of turbulent relationships online; there's been greater awareness of identifying the common traits of domestic abuse and means of its prevention. But for the broken hearted, side-chicked, sore ego'd people out there? Reel it in.

Relationships "should be a private pleasure, not a public boast" Jason Mason Brown

Digital Detox

Well, well, well...look who decided to return?

Why the hiatus this time? Well, its simple. I decided to live. Not live and share...just LIVE!
Actually go out there in the big wide world and just embrace all the surprises it chucked my way. And I have to say, its been AWESOME! Not all good, but awesome all the same.
You see, I had an epiphany, and it hurt like hell! Not only did I lose everything I loved all at the same time (I'm talking EVERYTHING here people), but I lost myself in the process. I was tired of churning out mantras I had lost all belief in, and it took a life concussion for me to gain perspective.

(Pictures below from top left: Watching Beyonce at V festival; At the 'Big IF' event in Hyde Park; watching Justin Timberlake & JayZ at Wireless Festival;  Present at Baroness Hale's swearing in as deputy President of the Supreme Court; Bouquet as Maid of Honour at my sister's wedding; Audience at taping of 'The Chase'; delivering a speech in Barclays Capital; Watching the basketball Paralympics game; The Supreme Court empty; at a fellow blogger's flat-warming; Audience at ITV Studios; Attended (and won further 2 shows) iTunes Festival; Audience at BBC Studios for taping of 'Live at the Electric'; attended book launch for 'Happily Ever After')

So I went on a digital detox; not a fast per-se, but a basic withdrawal from the online world. I quit tweeting irrelevant nonsense. I stopped pictorially detailing my world and its ins & outs so much on instagram. I withdrew from cyberstalking celebs and people alike on blogs and other social media platforms. I didn't go cold-turkey by choice, but more by force [of circumstances]. It was in that time that I began to notice the things around me more than the things e-side my phone/kindle/laptop. I began to attend invigorating events, meet influential people and do interesting things. I reconnected with lost loves and old friends, as well as rekindling former passions and acquiring new talents. The rock-bottom I'd hit & subsequent digital detox forced propelled me out of my comfort zone and challenged all I knew about life. I'm excited to come back with a renewed zeal and write rawer than ever. You ready?

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! When life challenges you to confront your current ethos, the challenge faced requires a fresh perspective perhaps gained from a digital detox. Xisses

Generation Y

The term 'Generation Y' is one I am coming to familiarise myself with. It was coined to categorise the new generation of techno-savvy, religiously and culturally aware individuals. 'Generation Y' is so much more than the definition above, but that's the area I wish to delve into. We are consumed in a culture of media, socio-cultural awareness and lastly, vanity. Its odd to those from other generations, to watch us skype one another from different continents, bbm eachother from across the room, not to mention capture pictures and create collages of the most mundane things like the meal we are about to consume. Egging a pal of mine to join instagram and upload her world, for the world to see (I know, mind-boggling stuff lol), I was taken aback by a comment of a mutual friend. She critiqued the pictorial platform as a means of fickle self-indulgence. I beg to differ, but that's a topic for another day.

 Wife-Beater Tank : Dad's | Tank (layered) : H&M 

High-waisted boyfriend Jeans : Thrifted (Croydon)

It wasn't until I attended the birthday bbq of a fellow blogger (and now, friend), Assumpta, that I fully got to grips with just how open my online presence has become. I met an adorable reader there, who was well informed of the reason behind my current BLEURGHair, my legal aspirations, and my present relationship status. What humoured me is the fact that I went to great lengths to create an online alias, 'Onyxsta', which is uniform across all social networks. However, the purpose of this is defeated if at one glance, a reader/ viewer (I used to have a YouTube channel) can place me in one fell swoop. I was ignorant to the wealth of personal content I divulge in every post, but it is only akin to most 'Generation Y' individuals.

 Headscarf : Thrifted (Croydon) | Wedges : Primark | Studs : Matalan

There's something contagious about sharing your thoughts with those willing to follow. Something captivating about watching words of wisdom spread from individuals from different cultures, across different platforms. Yes, there is abuse of social networks on a daily. Yes, there are individuals that cannot grasp the fact that people HATE the purple words of a pointless BBM broadcast, or the irritating spams of yahoo-yahoo 419 crooks. And yes, the media amplify the woes of cyber-bullying because of ignorant tweets/hateful bloggers, but the basic foundation of social networks is to share your interests and thoughts with like-minded individuals. Some choose to use this platform to flaunt their wealth, or showcase their [photoshopped] beauty, but so be it. To categorically rule out all social networking platforms as vain threads of meaningless information, is highly mistaken. I have met some remarkable, truly inspirational characters online, that I may not have been blessed with the opportunity to network with in real life. We are the creators & directors of our virtual personas & plots.

I went into blogging & tweeting with full intentions of always keeping my online profile separate from my personal/professional life. I saw my blog, tweets and videos as a hurdle to professional success. I know my readers will see this as ludicrous, as i try and post positive messages & spread uplifting words in a comical light. Truth is, I am an outspoken individual who sometimes posts controversial topics or tweets non-status quo words that could jeopardise my career. Not to say that this rather blurred line will cease to exist. On the contrary. Creating that divide has helped, as I am untraceable to the untrained eye. In my opinion, YES, share...but be watchful of the damage that shared information can cause. I'm not an open book in real life, but I can share more than Gossip Girl online using metaphors and proverbs. I am aware that it won't take MI5 measures for a persistent employer to place my online alias to my real self...but until that day comes? I will continue to adhere to the characteristics of a Generation Y bi-product, and share my life away...as Onyxsta.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Freedom to share cos you're a Generation Y spawn, could result in you being the one the professional shoulders shun. Xisses

P.S. From now on, BLEURGH posts will be uploaded every Wednesday at 6:30pm. Stay Tuned

Gimme Reasons to be Jubilant

Being Nigerian, I was saddened by the news on Diamond Jubilee Monday, of a plane crash that took the life of more than a few innocent passengers. I wont go into the details of this accident, as i don't believe my role as blogger comprises of being a Sky News correspondent, but I do want to talk about the juxtaposition of joy and grief, and juggling both.

 Necklace : eBay | Blazer & Top : H&M | Jeans & Handbag : ZARA | Pumps : BAY 

Photos circulated of people surrounding the plane, not taking the time out to get help for those caught in the fire, rather pausing for a minute to capture the disaster on their smartphone cameras. Within minutes, the photos went viral, and idiots were already broadcasting PSA's. I just find it all quite inconsiderate. Yes, technology has done us good in a way that we find out important news instantaneously, and can access current affairs at our fingertips. Then again, there are the cons of caring more about keeping up with trending topics than actually caring about the topic itself.

A tweetheart I follow posted a disturbing account of someone who changed their display picture to an individual who lost their life in the plane crash in Nigeria. What I fail to understand, is the lack of empathy in our present society. No regard whatsoever, is given to the family who are grieving, or the emotions of those who were close to the departed. All the displayer cares for, is coming off as connected to an affected victim, and looking like they care about an issue they know nothing about. Grieving is not to be taken lightly, and posting pictures via social networking platforms wont spur on the process, or help the griever overcome their loss any easier. Unplugging yourself from the virtual mains may be the only real way of dealing with the reality of a situation.

I don't think its fair to feel guilty for choosing to carry on with life, after sparing a minute to send condolences. However, what seems eerily wrong is OTT'ing (Over The Top) your thoughts via twitter rants, or bleurghing your ill-founded emotions via a guilt-striken broadcast. No, I don't think posting a silhouette drawing of Nigeria with a candle in the middle will send a message to the President to take active steps in appointment, or sort out the nation's emergency services. Dude isn't even a contact on my blackberry, so how will he see it?? I just don't understand the reasoning behind this. In order to take action and stand up for a cause with a difference, one actually has to physically take a stand to correct those wrongs. Display pictures, ignorant tweets and emotionally charged status updates wont do much to make a change. You have to speak up to be heard, stand up to be seen, and live a life to be emulated.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Hey Queenie, gimme a reason to be jubilant! Xisses

Social Network Etiquette: BBM

I want to start a series focusing on social network deviants. The tyrants that plague our walls, infest our timelines and suffocate us with broadcasts. This post will be focusing on BBM Beasts, but not to worry, there is more to come. I was moved to write this post after suffering from, not one, but TWO ASNBO's (spin on the UK's ASBO's but instead standing for Anti-Social Network Behavioural Order)...BLEURGH!

Cardigan : Primark (Menswear) | Dress : ARK Clothing

 Strike one of the day was when a contact I'd met a handful of times in Naij, and had been polite enough to switch pins with, made a grand assumption on my character. I'm not a fan of involuntarily nailing me to the couch for anyone's amateur psychoanalysis session, so I was not impressed. This bafoon claimed that I was a lot less endearing, and didn't seem happy of late. He commented on my recent display picture, and when I pointed out it was last summer, he claimed that made sense. I'm sorry, perhaps I don't seem as warm to you on BBM because your conversation never cross the barrier of polite introductions. Work on engaging a lady's interest beyond fickle compliments on her appearance and perhaps you might thaw me. *strike gong* CONVICTED!

Ring : *Gift | Necklace: eBay | Rings (stacked) : H&M | Belt : Primark

Watch : Guess | Boots : H&M

Next on the agenda: the goat who added me from a broadcast. No? I don't quite believe it either, so let me fill you in with a little back story. I have a policy to accept all contact invitations and then sieve my friends from [random] fools no further past the polite introductions. I'm always nice, put a smiley right after the "hi", before landing with the all-important question: "Sorry, how do I know you?" On a few occassions, its been thirsty goats who've stolen my pin from their friend's BB without his knowledge. On this occassion however, I was blown away. He got my pin from a broadcast that was circulating. Sorry? BY WHO? The goat feels guilty bleating his dude's name but check this, I don't even KNOW the fool! BBM prompts me to add him. Are you for real? WHO DOES THAT???? GUILTY!! *bangs gong multiple times*

I think it best I draft rules on BBM for the fools who aren't socially trained to understand basic networking skills. Feel free to add any you might have in the comments below. Here goes:

1) Do NOT start a conversation with a new (and old) contact if you cannot muster up banter beyond the "hello"s and "hi"s
2) Do NOT confide in a new contact about how much you've grown to 'love' him/her when your contact history has not reached the 2 month (or more) drop-down-bar status
3) Do NOT compare another's manner on BBM (e.g. how frequently they respond etc) to how they act in real life when you'd only been of acquaintance a handful of times or once, before switching pins
4) Do NOT broadcast another's pin...under ANY circumstances
5) Do NOT persist in sending multiple broadcasts those those who've outrightly expressed their loathing of the purple ink. Best believe you WILL get erased (and blocked).
6) Do NOT change your display picture more than a handful of times when you've freshly added a new contact in the bid to impress them with your best shot; you just end up looking MAD vain and conceited.
7) English vocabulary is your friend, spell-check before you hit 'enter'. It really isn't difficult to grasp the fact that a red squiggly line bum-raping misspelt lingo is an indication that a correction needs to be made.
8) DO NOT STEAL PINS! BLEURGH!!

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! BBM is an instant means of communication, not another medium of electronic provocation. Xisses