Ghost of Boyfriend Past

I loved (and still do) English Literature at school, but one lesson I always zoned out of was the analysis of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. All that springs to mind is 'ghost of christmas past' (not sure if thats accurate, but feel free to correct me below), and thats exactly the experience I wanted to share with you.

 Shirt : Internacionale | Skirt : Primark 

Now I've reached a turning point in my dating life, which I think is a touch too personal to share on here, but just know there's a crossroads that I'm intending on crossing soon (God willing). Anywho....here I was, on the last day of the 1st 1/3 of 2012, walking idly home, and who else did I bump into but my ex driving by! My tweethearts can bear witness to the near heartattack I had on sight of my scrub-ex ("sitting on the passenger's side, of his best friend's ride trying to holla at me" LOL). What stunned me, however, was the fact that seeing him equated to me making a full-circle. Earlier this year, I'd bumped into all my other exes (some I'd steered away from interaction with), from the most recent to that fateful final day in April.

 Bag : ZARA | Boots : Dorothy Perkins

I'm a firm believer in signs, and seeing all of them catapulted me to a seat on reality's throne. I cannot envision myself in the same relationships I was in all those years ago, and it was stunning to see how far I'd come in contrast to them. Not to belittle their own struggles, but I feel as though I am in a totally different place/ level to them now, all I can see ahead is higher ground. Humans are prone to looking back regretfully, idealising the past. Those blasts from the past jerked me to focus on my present and aspire for a better future.

I'm a manic list-drafter. As you know, I'm fond of drafting charts and drawing mind-maps, and after crossing the 1st 1/3 of the 2012 hurdle, and encountering the final ex, I turned to my leather planner and began scribing. What has been accomplished thus far? What is left to overcome? How can I go about this? Revisiting your New Years' Resolutions, are you still sticking to any of them? Or did you abandon them all on the 2nd of January and blame the fickleness of capitalism on your personal downfall from accomplishing your goals? I for one, fall into the latter category, and could sit here and blame procrastination or whatnot, but instead I'm choosing to pick myself up and try again. I've got to keep believing and striving for better, in order to become the woman I want to be. On retrospect, I can see that my past experiences aren't something to be ashamed of, or regretful over, however I'm thankful for them, as a result of which I have grown into who I am today.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! If ever you get a visit from a ghost of boyfriend past, steer clear of succumbing to the spell on you they once cast. Xisses