Frenemy

NOTICE: I thought long and hard about this, but have decided to shut down my YOUTUBE Channel. I found lots of Youtubers had heeded to my wise words of creating engaging content that met the needs of their audience, far beyond the fickle realm of fashion & beauty. Thus, I saw no real need to endeavour to penetrate the already saturated market of online gurus. I hope you will respect my decision and see that the purpose is fulfilled by others. I will continue to voice my concerns & share my views on the Blogger platform & thank you all for your continued support. Also, please let me know your thoughts on the new layout & design of BLEURGH! 
Top : BANK | Shorts : Primark
Back to the regularly scheduled program: You may all be aware that I struggled with toxic friends and trust in the past. Well, this prompted a friendship detox, and I have no regrets. Having received another wedding invitation from a good friend, it prompted me to think about who I'd invite to mine in the future, now that I've whittled down my circle to the bare minimum. My mother always advised growing up that "one should be able to count their good friends on one hand", and past my rebellious teens, I have now seen the light in my twenties.  However, that's no shade on the reality that a bigger social circle is being compromised by trust, which isn't a bad thing, but not necessarily the best in light of future social events.
The term 'frenemy' was birthed in the early noughties, when popular culture was still obsessed with the IT Girls' social circles a la Paris Hilton and Alexa Chung. The dictionary definition states that frenemies are people "with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry". This week saw the dramatic exit of a frenemy in my life. We had ended things on bad terms nearly a year ago, yet her presence was still evident on my social media accounts (i.e. Facebook) and there were still awkard tip-toe-tactics being adopted during social gatherings to ensure our paths never crossed. That's a lot of effort to make on another's behalf, and quite frankly, she was right for cutting the umbilical cord of anguish that was our friendship (no shade).
I found the whole scenario quite intriguing; why had I chosen to leave her in my life in light of all the warning signs? What benefit did a ghost of a friend serve in a social circle? Do all friends have to be good friends, or is it still healthy to have friends with benefits? Well, it prompted me to draft (fans of How I Met Your Mother will be familiar with this) a pros & cons list:
CONS of FRENEMIES
  1. Subject to constant negativity - serves no purpose other than to deplete one's esteems, confidence and dreams. 
  2. Shifted blame culture - improperly place fault, thus creating a culture where you constantly question yourself, values and foundation. Remember, if you "stand for nothing, [you] fall for everything"
  3. Lose Yourself - unsure of who to turn to and thus, you develop trust issues
Headband : Debenhams | Necklace : NEXT (Thrifted) | Bag : Longchamp
PROS of FRENEMIES
  1. Creates awareness - churn their negativity to positivity and cultivate it into means of self-development
  2. Inspiration for aspiration - sometimes God places people in our lives that are blessed with our prayer requests. It is not to deter us from our dreams but to motivate us to aspire to greater heights and observe where they have failed, in order to better steer our lives to the path of success
  3. Develops B*tch Bank - Ricocheting shade and reads is no small feet. Thus, frenemies encourage you to develop your vocabulary and witty diction, and better manage your anger. 
Christian Nestell Bovee - "False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade."

27 comments

  1. wow, learnt a lot from just reading this post. Sometimes there comes a point in one's life when one has to sift the chaff from the grains ( friendship -wise) .. That said ,i'm aquarius and we love our freedom that's why we don't have a lot of friends ,so we can have the freedom to cut away and become invincible . Great post and you've got gorgeous legs.

    StyleandBeautyLounge

    ....

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    1. I'm still living & learning, and I love sharing. So I'm glad you found this piece useful.
      I definitely agree about weeding out bad friends, but freedom sure does come at a price.
      I wont lie, I'm glad that particular individual's (and all those I cut off during my detox) out of my life as I'm happier now, than I ever was in their company. It's about weighing the pros and cons, and I believe if one outdoes the other, then the answer is clear as day

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  2. oh by the way , if you would like to follow each other on GFC , my link is on the previous comment..... I always follow back

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    1. Thanks for the compliment btw and I'll be sure to check out your blog x

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  3. Great post - there's a saying that some people are for a season. Think there's a lesson there to let things go. We sometimes hold on to things that make us angry and bitter. I too am learning to trust God and hope it#ll all work out in the end. Blame facebook for no of friends count lol

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    1. Definitely agree with that reason/season lesson. Thanks x
      I do blame facebook for creating an awareness of the number within your circle and the need to connect with irrelevant people, all for the sake of remaining cordial. I'm glad I detoxed, and have no regrets.
      And although the reality of it being reversed stings a little, I believe the purpose is served and I am all the happier for it :)

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  4. I love the post......it came kind of helpful
    and you look great dear

    http://www.ann-u.blogspot.com

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    1. I'm glad you found it somewhat helpful x
      Thanks for the compliment

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  5. My mantra has been "Invest in people who invest in you." and that pretty much sums up how my life has been going with my relationships. I am naturally a comforter and sometimes, it's taken advantage of but I know who my real friends are. I've just become way too old to even deal/contemplate others who aren't as prominent in my life as others.

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    1. I love that mantra!
      It rings true and yet, it took 20+ odd years to figure it out.
      I agree. I should've been more sad that it was the end of a long friendship but to be quite honest, I felt like it was natural to part. Like that season was up and it's time to embark on a new adventure

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  6. I love this post so much, ...why? because I can relate to this 100%, I have so any questions around this topic and currently am detoxing (Exuse my interesting choice of words). To be honest, the way I look at it, is in the long run it is better to be alone or have few food friends, than to be surrounded by frenemies. But its easier said than done right?!

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    1. I agree...maybe not with the alone bit loooool. I enjoy my own company and I'm very comfortable shopping alone and whatnot, but I thrive in social environments and it's a waste to hog up all your life experiences. It's good to share 'em.

      I think as we grow older, it's just a matter of finding the fair few that compliment and understand you (wholly) and make them your family.

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  7. Sad that you shut down your youtube channel...Been a follower of your blog for the longest time and i find it very interesting and refreshing.
    I find that i constantly have to weed out bad friends and replace them with new ones. Such is life!

    http://sugarkanke.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Awwww I referenced good YouTube videos in my little PSA above, so be sure to click on the odd coloured links. I just don't think I'll do any more than dilute the message on YT. The best thing for me to do is take a step back and offer support to the great content I see on there & alert my readers to it. I'm sorry if you feel I let you down but hope that's consolation enough? X

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    2. In addition, such is life indeed

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  8. Love this post and those shorts are to die for…love them. Please check out my blog- www.oddbeautydof.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thanks for the compliment hun & I love those shorts too. Such a bargain too :)

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  9. One door has to close for another to open, if they are not adding benefit to your life or you have nothing to account for from the friendship , then why waste your valuable time. A friend is there to make you a better person so if the one you have isn't influencing you the right way *let it go*
    Divadiari.blogspot.com

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    1. Such great advice.
      I agree that one should surround themselves with people who will propel them to greater heights and not drag you down. Thanks for reading

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  10. Happy new month gorgeous :) I actually enjoyed your YT videos but I totally understand your view on the saturated network of fashion/beauty vloggers, at times I wonder what to do with mine. On to the topic, It's very relatable...I've had my fair share with frrenemies and I'm glad I backed out before it ruined greater things in my life. Glad you did the same too...Female friendships tend to be a handful quite often so we have to be careful with the ones we pick. nice post hun, have a lovely week.

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    1. Oh wow! I feel honoured that you even visit my blog, talk less of watching my videos. I just thought it was duplicitous and my views were far more concise and coherent on my blog than my videos, and it's not my intention to trivialise the important matters I wish to address.

      Female friends CAN be a handful and for the longest time, I was a guy's girl. But there's an incomparable bond between females that can't be replicated in a friendship with a guy...just sucks that the bid to find trustworthy circle of girlfriends is like spotting a needle in a haystack

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  11. Thanks sweetie!
    You're so kind *blush*

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  12. Whatever lipstick you are wearing, I want it! Love the post. Thankfully, now that we are grown, every one is too busy to cause drama. Also, I am one of those people who has no problem cutting off toxic people. Life is stressing enough, as it is.

    www.road2tilda.blogspot.com

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    1. I'm wearing Sleek's Vamp lipstick - http://www.sleekmakeup.com/true-colour-vamp
      I honestly must be an OAP cos it really didn't affect me the way I thought it would, to ex toxic people from my life lol
      Truth! Life IS stressful enough w/o hauling extra baggage in the name of frenemies

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  13. trust me the friendship detox is so necessary sometimes. i love ur shorts! and i like ur blog :)
    pls lets follow each other on google friends connect! thanks
    www.folasoasis.com

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    1. SO necessary!
      Thanks and I will definitely have a look at your blog x

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  14. I loved this post especially the benefits of frenemies.. Developing your vocabulary/wit a la Bitch Bank, it's so damn true.
    About no-good friends, well at times it's proper difficult to kick them out out out especially when they slide in after a break.

    Wow! You are quitting your YouTube? Hmmpphh, I've been giving it. Lot of though recently, I should get some tips from you I suppose. Love your Bank top and yes this layout is beautiful though I didn't know the previous.

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