Frigid Nightcrawlers

So a friend of mine was recounting her night out over the weekend, and her and I expressed our irritation over frigid nightcrawlers. If you frequent the club-scene, or attend boujie/Naij-Freshie extravaganzas parties, then you will be quite familiar with these beings.

Basque/Corset : Panache (eBay) | Skirt : H&M

It baffles me why a woman/girl (this isnt gender specific, but I'll get on to guys soon enough) would spend the better part of an hour getting all dolled up, only to turn up to an event, sipping champagne in the most inane manner with her head held higher than the masses. Honestly, WTAF?

Girls get all gussied up, defying gravity & pushing up their cups until they threaten to overflow. Then, when they sure they’re exposing enough flesh to entice, but not enough to be mistaken on the street for lady of that hour, she’ll strap on heels high enough to elevate her to new heights. Only then, will she feel ready to step into a club (or night-event of that kind). But that’s where I and these frigid creatures, I speak of, differ. I fail to understand why you’d go through all that effort only to stand there, [NOT] looking pretty? I know (in their minds) they think they look like medieval ladies, fanning off the attention of unwanted suitors while peering flirtily over the brim of those same fans, trying to catch the eyes of those they admire. Except, we don’t live in the 40’s, and the only shade of allure these days, are the ridiculous shades ‘big guys’ wear in a dimly lit club. Baffling to say the least.

 Necklace : Forever 21 | Belt : Thrifted (Wales) | Heels (not pictured) : Littlewoods | Ring : Swarovski | Watch : Michael Kors

Oh yeah! You didn’t think I was going to go light on the guys, did you? Surely not. Guys…so you throw on the newly purchased shirt you bought in Primark, and team it with some Levi’s and throw on a designer belt of your choice, be it Gucci, LV or Hermes. And just as you spritz yourself with the most marketed cologne in every department store, you catch your reflection in the mirror, and throw on a pair of dark-lensed designer sunglasses. STOP! YOU ARE GOING TO A CLUB, NOT THE BEACH! I will never understand that! Anywho…you get to the club, and start popping overpriced champagne and bottles of liquor, and when limelight-hungry (ok, that’s not always the case, but I’m trying to paint a picture here) girls start flocking your table, satisfied that all lights are on you, you start acting a fool. Going up to girls you KNOW are out of your league (praying they’ve witnessed your cheap display of ‘new money’), under the mask of your sunglasses. She can’t see the fear in your eyes, neither can she see the sting in them when she out rightly rejects you in front of her friends. Wounded, you proceed to act a bigger fool ‘under the influence’ (even though everyone knows you haven’t drank that much).

Why waste all that money, and all that time, only to turn up at an event where you’re actually not having any fun at all? To be fair, at least most guys have fun. They go to clubs with the intention of pullin’ a bird. Fair enough that 9/10 they are unsuccessful (lol), but there’s a certain thrill in the chase. However, I’ve heard on many occasions, that the supposed camaraderie of bidding for a group of girls’ attention as a unit or using a ‘wing-man’ is lost in translation. As you can see from the display of tomfoolery above, guys can’t be bothered with ‘the chase’ much longer. So all that stush-bird crap standing in the corner pouting like you have a sour fruit stuck in your mouth, will only get you so far. Not that girls go to clubs with the intention of catching a guy’s attention (a BLEURGH on that…coming soon), but atleast HAVE FUN! No one said you had to entertain the sleazy uncles, or increase the average pulls of a regular guy. It’s simple…have fun. Dance, drink, sing-along…anything! Just standing there is SO off-putting. Some even travel from different cities just to stand. Yes, you are making it more comfortable capacity-wise, as less gyrating means more space to move around, but who cares about space? The clubs are always packed and hot anyway.

Onyxsta says…BLEURGH!! Have fun in a club you frigid freak, otherwise sit home and watch mindless TV like Dawson’s Creek. Xisses