I am yet to draft the dreaded #25Plan post I've been planning for literally half a decade now. Perhaps because I'm as far from the plan as Moses was from the promised land, and I find that ugly truth daunting. Considering this the prelude, I will start by broad-brushing through the cultural connotations that underpin my thoughts, motives and actions with regard to the ticking clock. Upon leaving for Nigeria last year, I was relieved to leave behind endless conversations about 'The One', life plans, ticking biological clocks etc. My peers an I were obsessed with fine tuning each topic down to the minutest of bolts, and I'd grown jaded with it.
"Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning" Winston Churchill
Denim Shirt : Topshop | Skirt & Sunglasses : H&M | Heels : Red Herring (Debenhams)
Discussions between millennial females centre around finding your compatible counterpart. It becomes deafeningly so when you're in your mid-twenties and your peers are getting married and giving birth in stable relationships. Side eyes become a lot less subtle, and spotlights hone in on the intricate details of your life. What an African mother once guilted you to feel contrite over, is now teasingly questioned during numerous cross-examining sessions about your social life. At 25, you've peaked. Attention isn't so much on your academic achievements or career aspirations anymore, but your surrounding life. Males do not experience the same, but that's a societal double-standard that we are yet to eradicate.
"Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have 24 hour days" Zig Ziglar
Stila Beauty Event : Selfridges, London
Time don' knack! I have finally woken up to the fact I am 25, which to some is young, but to me is the cusp of my prime years. Fortunately for me, I push myself to maintain a well-rounded view (whether I achieve it or not is another matter entirely), so I envision achievements in all arenas from social to familial to otherwise. I say this because a sole focus on one above the other, while keeping a firm eye on the ticking time bomb, has cost me the other. I share this not to incite a pity party on my behalf, but to illustrate the subconscious sacrifice of some we epitomise. I've seen some industrious women give up their entrepreneurial ventures to support their int'l business other-halves as they trot the globe at their expense. I've seen naturally maternal females sacrifice their familial aspirations for the sake of the coin. All because they reached the point I've expressed, where they've caught sight of time running against them and panicked.
"Love isn't something you find. Love finds you" Loretta Young
Love, unlike so many other arenas of our life cannot be committed to time. As discussed in previous posts concerning goals and career challenges, love just happens. I say that not to indulge young women to lower their expectations, but maintain a certain standard at all times. Watching the clock can only lead to the demise of a relationship (even those yet to be started), as you will inevitably (as we are innately programmed to do) start timetabling key points to be achieved by particular dates e.g. say 'i love you' by 6 months or propose by 2 years or be in a committed relationship by 25. Yes, face time and set achievable goals but be aware that life and love are uncontrollable, and to pin each to the clock is futile.
"Life is a game, and true love is a trophy" Rufus Wainwright