Thanks for Sharing

"What's your addiction? Is it money? Is it girls? Is it weed?" Addiction - Kanye West

I won’t lie, I’m not an open book. In fact, I have been likened to an onion in the past; the process of revelation is several layers deep. Just last week, in an endeavour to open up to someone I tweeted “Sharing is overrated. Conclusions drawn. Judgment made. Advice doled. Redundant #BLEURGH”.  However, after watching ‘Thanks for Sharing’ over the weekend, I can surely see its benefits.

Coat : Warehouse Exclusive | Crop Top : New Look | Skirt : DIY Ankara

Thanks for Sharing chronicles the life of 3 men undergoing the 12-step recover process for their sex addiction (nymphomania). Being of African descent, I must apologise for my lack of knowledge or awareness of addictions and their effect. It is somewhat stigmatised in my culture as a product of sin/temptation/ the devil; nothing that cannot be overcome through divine intervention/rituals (dependent on your belief). However, my eyes have become all the more exposed to nymphomania and the griping effects it has on its victims after unpreparedly watching ‘Don Jon’ on the plane ride home from Nigeria last spring. I was stunned at the dependency the addict felt to the cathartic release derived from pornographic or explicit material, and was troubled by the hours wasted on sexual gratification as a result.

Matters of the Heart at The LOST Theatre, London

Much like ‘Thanks for Sharing’, ‘Matters of the Heart’ is a play about 6 characters leading very different lives, but brought together by one issue; love. Both productions may have very different subject matters, but what bonds the two is their depiction of the benefits of sharing. In ‘Thanks for Sharing’, group meetings for recovering addicts is portrayed as an open forum for mutual support for addicts at different stages of recovery to motivate, console and just share their journey with one another. In ‘Matters of the Heart’, sharing is a lot more organic, with girly catch-ups at work and male bonding at the bar, being the forums for divulging intimate details of their love lives to one another. Singles share their plight to find The One with struggling married wives who’ve lost the spark, and it is the unity in their shared woes that love is an ongoing battle that strikes me.

Necklace : Primark | Heels : Red Herring (Debenhams)

We are all fighting our personal battles, and it is always advised to open up to another for advice, care, love, and support, etc. ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’. I’ve never really understood it. In fact, I’ve fought a one-woman-war against it. It might have something to do with me striving to knock down the image that women are weak or emotional creatures? But as I’ve matured, I have found that strength is relatively defined, and the emotional nature of womanhood is not actually a bad thing. In my bid to fight off this image of dependency, I became so bogged down in my issues that my problems were always resolved through a subjective lens. Yes, I reach the end goal eventually, but perhaps it would have been quicker and less painful, had I chosen to share my woes with another who’d grant an objective approach and offer a forum of solace and support for me to lean on instead. I am in no way fixed, and neither were the addicts in the movie who may (or may not have – I am REALLY trying not to give away any spoiler alerts in case you wanted to watch it yourself) have relapsed, but I am learning to see the benefits of opening up and reaping the rewards of emotional intimacy with a trusted party (be it family, friends, or partner).

"Life is a journey you never have to take alone" Thanks for Sharing. BLEURGH!

'cause BROWN was BLACK?

Dress : Oasis | Necklace (pendant detached) : Wallis

I'm sure it doesn't take a degree in Literature or Psychology to suss out what this post will be about. Yeezy's words resonate all too loudly right now; "racism still alive, they just be concealing it", and that works both ways. Unless you've been cocooned beneath a rock for the last half of the year, you will be well aware of the facts; Michael Brown (18 year old, black male) was shot dead by Darren Wilson (28 year old, white police officer) in August 2014. That scene alone paints the image of a faithful law enforcer carrying out his daily duties, and his latest statement "I have a clean conscience, [I] did my job right" wont lead you to believe otherwise. However, its the disputed circumstances of the shooting and the resulting violent protests, that has prompted me to (metaphorically) put pen to paper. Facts Only: an officer carrying out his duty wont cause this level of civil unrest in Ferguson. 

Monk Valley, Turkey

Deeply rooted is the issue of racism, the misuse of police force and the interrelationship between the two. I know the E/M readers among you might have your judgment clouded by the media frenzy created by your favourite African American celebrities, to believe Brown was a stellar example of an angelic black youth, but the facts of the case state that he indeed was fleeing from a convenience store which he had just shoplifted from. That does not excuse the latter actions of the officer, but please...let me land! ABEG! So here he is, with his friend, having looted from a store, and is in effect, stopped & searched. I fortunately have never been in such a situation, but was a youth in the era where the media amplified youth crime in London to the point where every hoodie with a tan was being stopped on these streets. So I have heard first hand information of how your fences go up, and how your defence mechanisms come into full effect once you feel that tap on your shoulder.

Pigeon Valley, Uchisar (Turkey)

So let's go back to the scene...Brown is instructed to step to the sidewalk by PC Wilson, and refuses. What follows is skewed facts about a struggle and *BANG* shots fired. Now, here's where I drop my baton as defence counsel because PC Wilson doesn't stop there but continues to fire shots...12 to be exact. 12 shots to stop a minor shoplifter? He stole ONE item (cigarettes) to my knowledge, and he is victim to capital punishment without the justice of trial? Hmm...now the graphic scenes you see on your screens daily makes sense huh? 

Hiking down Uchisar valley, Turkey

However, racism works both ways. Not every young black male is a criminal, granted. But not every white/caucasian police officer is racist! I get that its important to ask the question of whether this would've occurred, had the shoe been on the other foot? But I can't help but feel that the violent civil protests that have ensued in Ferguson don't serve to glorify Brown's legacy, but further reiterate the root of Wilson's actions. PC Wilson claims to have acted in self-defence, and that is easy to understand in light of the first shot fired, but difficult to justify the eleven shots that followed. Now we see minority protesters being arrested for standing up for this point, but their actions serve little or no purpose, other than to worsen the situation. In America, 'deathly force' is justified, and that is the defence adopted in this case. Much like Rice, this initial judgment has prompted understandable public uproar, and I believe in a judicial system based on the facts presented within the isolated confines of a Tribunal. However, Ferguson has witnessed human quakes since August, as a result of PC Wilson's actions and I see no reason why a middle ground could not have been compromisingly reached. 

I thank God I exist in a country that respects my 'Right to Life' - Art.2 (ECHR), regardless of my skin tone, gender or religious belief #BLEURGH

Yeezy Taught Me: Cultural Capital

My mother was a smart woman (and still is). Growing up, she would plan these excursions to culturally enriching places such as castles, museums and beaches, for my siblings and I. At the time, I found it all so tedious and tiresome, but now I've grown up I can see that she was enriching our subconscious intellect with cultural capital. Pierre Bourdieu (1973) defined it as non-financial assets that promote social mobility beyond economic means, and it is thought to be the reason why middle & upper class children achieve better than lower class counterparts in education, and later on in the professional world. Parents, by exposing their children to culturally enriching material, transmit the knowledge necessary for them to succeed in the big wide world.

Crop Top (in reverse) : Burju | Joni Jeans : Topshop | Bag : H&M

However, it isn't as abstract as one may think. Such capital takes the form of intellect, style of speech, and of course, physical appearance. Think back to the style of uniform a comprehensive pupil adorned in comparison to the private school kid; blazers, ties, shoes...all on a different grade. I speak all too frequently about gender inequality on BLEURGH, but our dear friend Kanye West was on to something in his infamous Kimmel interview, when he ranted about the world being discriminatory not based on one's race anymore, but one's class.  

Roman Baths, Bath

Living and working in Nigeria, earlier this year, exposed me to this 'classism' theory. Unlike the UK, a dominant percentage of the Nigerian population are indegenes and thus, the main means of differentiating individuals is based on class or culture. However, delving into the latter, class still takes a prominent seat in categorising individuals. What Yeezy was raving on about, is the equivalent happening in the free world. It seems he is only now being exposed to the truth that old money runs business, and in order to identify oneself with that culture, you must be equipped with it prior. I came to realise this hard fact in law school where I was thrust in an alien environment, schooling with oxbridge graduates and dining with silver-spooned-snobs. Thankfully, my earlier years basking in art and roaming through castle mazes amply stocked me with enough cultural capital to tap into in order to confidently work the room and fluently converse with the airs and graces necessary. You see, surviving in such a world goes beyond dressing the part (which Yeezy so flawlessly achieves) but speaking and, more importantly, BEING the part. 

Necklace : Dorothy Perkins | Watch : Guess | Sandals : Market (Enugu, Nigeria)

Unfortunately, cultural capital is not transmittible instantaneously, but must be acquired over time. This is why the lower class entrepreneurs who have made it big may initially struggle to network and mingle with the greats, as they aren't yet equipped with the cultural capital necessary to thrive in such environments. That is not to say all hope is lost. Look at the likes of Richard Branson or the Beckhams, for instance. Yeezy concludes that "the only luxury is time", and in time, once immersed in culturally enriching product and becoming linguistically fluent in it, one can be regarded as being akin to an upper-class counterpart. Why do you think Jigga is so infatuated with art and yachts?  There is hope for Blue Ivy yet...

The world is rich with culture, so immerse yourself in it and enrich your capital to thrive instead of living a life so woefully deprived that you're constantly forced to strive. BLEURGH

Yeezy Taught Me: Kimye Wedding

I'm starting a new series aptly titled 'Yeezy Taught Me'; life lessons learned from the infamous hiphop rapper. I'm no stan...at times, I can't even stand him, but the truth is, he instills some wise words occasionally and his actions are worthy of deciphering so why not theme a whole series around him? Plus, I've always loved that Chris Rock skits...go figure

Parklands, Quendon Hall, Essex

Its wedding season and I attended one of the most beautiful ceremonies this past weekend and and I was left mesmerised. They have that 'Disney kinda love' and it was beautiful to have been present to witness it. That brings me back to Kimye, who look so loved up and genuinely happy together (the little we have seen on countless magazine covers and KUWTK) that one can only imagine what the guests would've felt like at the wedding.

 

Dress : H&M | Heels : Steve Madden

So here are a few lessons I picked from the union:

1) Frog Prince - kiss a few frogs & you'll eventually snog your Prince at the altar. Without slandering her ex's characters on the worldwide web, it's clear they were somewhat incompatible, and although I'm no fortune teller, I can see a future for Kimye. Why? Because he will genuinely fly to the moon and back if it'll make her happy.

2) Cycle of life - we live in such a liberal society that traditional family structures are being abandoned but it's encouraging to see a couple who flipped the script but still confirmed to unite before God and their loved ones

3) Patience - as a KUWTK stan (having watched it since Season 1) I've seen Yeezy's shadow one too many times. 1,4,Y x Infinity boyfriends & husbands later...my man got the slice of cake to take home!

4) Look Up - whipped, smitten, cuffed...whatever term you want to use for a man who is head over heels in love with his girl, well...that's Kanye. He enlightened the stamps on her passport. Widened her social circle. Not to mention finally bagging her a cover on VOGUE. He looks up to her & she revels in it. Someone once told me that you have to marry a man who loves you more & although I had my reservations at first, I can see the truth in that now. 

5) Flamboyance is limitless - the wedding was elaborate. The guests were elegantly (well...some) dressed to the nines. The execution was perfection. Love has no bounds and if you wedding is a reflection of this, it should perfectly reflect it.

Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Yeezy taught me...that the expression of love, sex (listen to 'I'm in it' on Yeezus) and marriage are limitless