I struggled for a WHILE to trust myself in my own company. I feel that some women are threatened by the thought of being alone, and for a long while, I feared that also. When I was down & out, I didn't want to see my shadow roaming the walls in solitude, or see my cold wintery breath wafting towards the ceiling of my isolated room, without turning to the side and seeing another's do the same. But slowly (and it was quite scary tbh), I got over that hurdle and I'm a much stronger woman now because of it. Quite honestly, I'm at a point where sometimes I loathe the burden of company, and relish my Me-Time.
Scarf : Charity Shop (Selsdon) | Sheer Shirt : Thrifted (Wales) | Bag : DKNY (gift from **8Ballers)
Leather Skirt : H&M | Brogues : Deichmann
At your lowest, I don't expect you to understand my love for solo-walks along the beach and how much more I love darting in and out of stores, trying things on without the pressure of doling out style tips to whomever may be accompanying me. Don't get me wrong, I adore spending quality time with my girlfriends, but its a breath of fresh air to be in a totally different place, trying new things and feeling 100% comfortable in your own skin. I like indulging in treats by myself, and have no shame expressing my opinions and bearing the consequences of impoliticly correct utterances. WHY? Because i have learned to love me for me.
My mum would advice us growing up, to take a minute out of life to 're-evaluate yourself'. That sentence used to grate me like hell, but they are truly words of wisdom. Some (like myself in the past) are so wrapped up in social bubbles and cushions of acquaintances, that they lose sight of who they are and have no foresight into who they are becoming. Occasionally luxuriating in some me-time isn't sad, but allows you to truly appreciate yourself, celebrate your strengths and work on your weaknesses.
Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Its is of paramount importance to express love for oneself & not hold it as subordinate to another on an emotional shelf. Xisses
The title is a spin on my favourite Sitcom character right about now...Barney from 'How I Met Your Mother'. He's SUCH a ledge (wait for it...en-DARY! lol) and oozes every ounce of the dapper man I'm always raving & ranting about...comedic genius & a eye for tailoring. What Barney embodies, is the new man. The man that sees every occasion as a reason to dress up (can I say 'dress' in reference to guys?)...just like a stylish woman views the sidewalk as a catwalk, so also should a man. The actual look itself was inspired by Kanye West from his previous tour.
I think the scarlet red blazer symbolises liberal conservatism (oxymoron, I know). Red usually connotes danger and sensuality, and in contrast, suits represent caution and adherence to the status-quo...striking contrast, but I love it!
I've been receiving numerous girlies moaning lately about the douche-like behaviour of some guys. I just don't understand why some girls get the 'good guys', and the rest have to endure the crap that douches toss at them? Why the need for such a striking contrast. They say a guy can mess around all he likes, but when he meets the chic he wants to settle with, he fixes up. But why wait until then? The scarlet red suit conveys that the thin line between two extremes can be tightroped, no need to be confined to either one box or the next.
We all know this is a patriarchal society ridden with endless double standards. But I'm sick and tired of it. As a new adult (well, I will be 22 this November so that line is ageing a bit *sigh*), I'm done with the games and cufuffle of guys. Why does a guy either have to be good or bad, yet a female is meant to embody both by being a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets? I'm calling out for a balance between the two for all guys out there. Metrosexually stylish with a masculine edge; football fanatic but with a zest for retail; dangerously dapper don in a suit but a sickeningly sweet suitor. The world has moved past labels of social confinement, and I think, so should guys...
Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Life is all about tightroping across extremes and finding the balance between them. Xisses.
"what do you do when you've wished for one thing for SO long, but you don't just receive it once, but in multiples?"
Watching the finale episode of 'Single Ladies', that question crossed my mind, as it often does from time to time. Most girls growing up, going through that awkward/ ugly duckling faze, often wish they could grow up and blossom into beautiful young ladies who guys find attractive. Fast-forward a few years (hopefully by now, the superior female mentality would have matured enough to realise that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder), and not only are you approached by one guy, but plagued by a swarm of suitors.
Its easy to fall into the trap of just giving into male attention (kinda like Val did - Single Ladies reference), and just bask in as much flattery as is tossed your way. But for some, this newly acquired spotlight will be overwhelming. It can take one by storm and whisk them off their senses..."its the lights, you're blinded by the action, you need that!" - Hollywood JayZ ft Beyonce. Quite like (yes, I'm a newbie....take it easy on me) the child-like tomboy Royce in Basketball Wives, where the thirst for more male attention pushes her to pure tomfoolery.
Looking back at growth into womanhood, I can relate to women like Royce and Val (although I'm more like Keisha as I'm described by my girlfriends as a maneater). Silly mistakes have been made, but we live and we learn. I wont drop down low & flash those Royce-like moves NOW cos quite honestly, I'm grown! What you learn as you grow is that men may love the thrill of catfights, but no man wants to settle down with a wild cat.
*purr*
The wild lifestyle belongs with youth, and I am forever thankful that I spread my wings when I did....but with the escape from the cage comes judgment. Misconceptions are reached by prematurely boxing up one's character into a stereotype & thats where the problem lies. Royce quite frankly got schooled...and the lesson was well-founded. As much fun as it must have been for her to liberate her body and get crunk on the dancefloor, life is NOT about living for just you, 'cos there are domino effects to all actions.
Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Take a step back when you're handed it all, 'cos one too many steps and you're guaranteed to fall. Xisses
Yes! I've been at it again. I'm not even gonna try and justify this cos you guys know just how chameleon like I am with my mane. I bore easy...sue me! Here's a BLEURGHair of my new haircut.
So I was a rebel and threw all caution to the wind and styled my bangs above my eyebrows. If you watched The Mushroom Cutvleurgh, you'll know just how annoying I find high-top fringes! With this swarm of sheep that LOVE to dress like they're trapped in a time-warp, all I see around me are 1920's (or whatever era THAT was popular) fringes that sit so uncomfortably above the brow. But hey! To each their own right....*insane side eye*
I wanted a style that flattered my bone structure more, as I felt The Mushroom Cut was far too masculine for my face. Especially as I predominantly don androgynous looks to work (8-4, 5 days a week...yup!), I wanted a hairstyle that expressed a feminine side to me, in contrast to my attire. I let my sister braid in the circular braid pattern this time, as on taking out the self-braids, I realised just why the world of hairdressers existed! DISASTER! LOL...after which I proceeded to sew in 8" & 10" weave. This time, I added a bit of colour, but nothing too wild (like my Minaj ombre'd BLEURGHair...oh dear!). When all the sewing was done, I brushed my hair, as though I were to wrap it for the night, and cut the sides using scissors and a razor comb to give it that natural touch.
Inspiration for this BLEURGHair came from just about anyone and everyone initially. But when I was looking at images, I stumbled upon my Grad Hair BLEURGH and remembered seeing Carey Mulligan rocking a crop quite like the one I had in mind. But I didn't quite like the way the entire bob sat above her head like a helmet....so I kept searching.
Tbh, the one person that stuck to my mind as mentioned in The Mushroom Cutvleurgh, was Estelle. I like the way the side tapers down near her ear, and feel that throws a feminine spin on it. Love how she experimented with colour, that'll probably be my next bet....but who knows?
Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Snip Snip Snip, clip those tresses & give those bangs a side flip. Xisses
Having SERIOUS issues with the work folk and the heating temperature. It GRATES me (and some of my Twitter followers) just how cold it is in the office. I mean, how am I supposed to work efficiently AND look stylish, if all I can care about in the mornings is piling on adequate layers, and providing my bones with as much insulation with highstreet cotton as I can? *sigh*
Anywho, this post comes at a time when i feel like I have hit a brick wall. For any new graduate who's bagged a decent job and is in the same predicament as me, I'm calling on YOU fellow bloggers to lend a helping hand...
(1) Shirt : GAP | Peglegs : Market (Croydon) | Pumps : Charlotte Russe
Mute what the fashion magazines and blogs deem 'appropriate' workwear cos it just aint true (apologies for that atrocious slaughter of the English language....aint? *bows head in shame*). Mini skirts, colour-blocking, Shorts, wedges....unless you are working in an actual FASHION house or its higshstreet equivalent, that ish is NOT for you hunny. The reality is, no matter what I wear, I feel too overdressed seated next to the drab middle aged lady who probably didn't even bother to shower before popping on her nearly talcumpowdered off-white belly suck-in briefs and age-old LBD... (thats actually not a personal reference *coughs*...just trying to paint a picture for you guys)
Moral of the story? I do NOT want to end up like that in a matter of weeks or a lifetime! I'm already (as you can see from the pics above) resulting to a tried-and-tested uniform of shirts, peglegs and flats....BORING! Anyone of you Bleurgher Boos got any ideas for how to spruce up workwear (and PLEASE, no dumb suggestions like try a lace shirt 6 inch heels....the key word is WORKwear)?
I see so many women fall into a routine, and very soon you'll see me with no makeup, rocking the same trousers in different colours daily. YUCK!
I think thats the issue with women. I have fallen victim to it, so I'm not preaching but speaking nothing but the truth when I testify to just how easy it is to get lazy with the looks & stick to routine. The appearance is first to be kicked to the curb, then its the lady-like mannerisms that are shot out of the window. Does that veil of ignorance EVER need to be slipped off like a bride at the alter? I'm not too sure. All I know is I am in dire need of a shot of spice on the rocks to break me from this funk captivity. HELP!
Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! I need your help to turn up the heat in the office in more ways than one. Xisses
I've been meaning to start this segment for FOREVER! I love a dapper man sporting chinos and a clean shape-up....but the thing I love more than men themselves....? MENSWEAR! ILOVE wearing Menswear, and lucky me, the androgynous trend is all the rage this season. The idea behind this fortnightly segment is me sporting the latest male trends and discussing male issues, or questions posed by my male readers (perhaps shedding some insight into how women think in contrast to the male mentality). So its literally like a feminine spin on menswear, or me embodying a male for a day (don't fear, I'm not going through any identity issues).
Collarless Shirt : ZARA (Menswear) | Belt : Primark | Paperbag Peglegs : ASOS | Watch : Citizen
Bag : **Sister's | Brogue Heels : **Sister's
The collarless shirt, quite like a spineless shirt, is metaphorical for a man with no backbone. This post is being drafted at the same time as my hometown, Croydon, goes up in flames as the result of ignorant youths' gratuitous rioting. Their sheeplike behaviour is unacceptable! Social media avenues such as Twitter and BBMs are being blamed for such a shameless uprising... WHY? I blame the youths themselves, for allowing themselves to get carried away by the words of a few, to cause such great chaos in London. They are blinded to the consequences of their actions, whether it be the fact that faces caught on CCTV and civilians' phone cameras facing prosecution, or the rise in council tax to fix the mess they are causing. Council tax that THEY will have to pay when they start working....dumbness! And this is all a result of a dumb (condolences to the families of the man murdered) police shooting in Tottenham?!? I mean....CROYDON?? How does that even connect? I blame that dumb initiative to link West Croydon (the ghetto and disgrace of Croydon) to Central/ North London....*kmt*
Women love a man that can speak his mind, and stand his ground. Not a fool that on being beckoned by his Uni-drop out commander, flees to cause mindless destruction. These idiots aren't thinking of the families who own these stores as a means of supporting their kids through school, or the working class slave whose livelihood depends on a night shift commute in the car that was just burned to ashes. Its ridiculous, selfish, and too ignorant to get much more of my air time. *sigh*
Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! Croydon's Burning, what a shame! Xisses
Spent my final week in Manchester in the best possible way; as a mini-pupil at Chambers. I had decided in final year, that I wanted to specialise in Human Rights and Family Law and set out applying to several Chambers in Manchester. I would have applied to London, but had already completed a mini-pupillage there, and I am currently contemplating a legal career perhaps in the Northern Circuit.
REJECTION after REJECTION....and then *silence*. I'd completely forgotten about my mini applications, and got fully stuck in with my studies, shadowing, legal journalism for the University magazine as well as pro-bono pursuits in my LAC Centre (ok ok...this isn't a glimpse into my CV, I will stop). Moral of the story is, when I got a call back from a clerk, I was completely out of my depth. I had to google while on the phone to sound a tad clued up....
Blazer : H&M | Dress : Urban Outfitters | Bag : H&M | Wedges : Primark DAY ONE
I was excited on the first day and donned wedges, to which the clerk shut down, advising I'd be better off in a pair of flats. BEST ADVICE EVER! Thank God the fashion savvy heifer in me thought ahead and stashed a pair in my bag. It was up this corridor and down this lift all morning, I honestly don't know how they do it cos by midday my feet were numb as hell. I shadowed the most stylish barrister EVER, sporting designer from top till toe. She was so 'set', she voluntarily gave up half her caseload for the day, so I shadowed another dude after lunch.
Was meant to meet this "big, cuddly fellow" at the City Centre Crown Courts, but was instead met (or not, as the case was, he failed to care where I was, talk less of whether I was well-informed of his case or not. Twerp!) by this gnarly beast. Spent the afternoon watching Immigration cases and minor theft pleas. Not gruelling stuff you may think, but particular immigration cases (cannot mention particulars of cases as I signed a Confidentiality Agreement) had interesting human rights elements. Made the mistake of shaking the Barrister's hand on parting and learned the first apparent rule of the Bar, "never shake another Barrister's hands". Noted!
Definitely my best day of the lot! Shadowed the most amazing Barrister that had only been practising just under two years, yet his case load was admirable. In London, a junior of his standard would only be dealing with minor road traffic cases and some trivial fishing license ish, but here he was representing clients with an opposing multiple council made up of reputable Seniors. I was in awe.
He was kind enough to give me a notepad to take notes (2nd lesson in the Bar..."always take notes") and i was able to witness first hand, some backhand out-of-court negotiations in the Robing Room, to which the counsel personified their clients as themselves (another insight into practise at the Bar). Initially it confused me and I honestly believed my Barrister was going to be prosecuted for fingerprint testing on drugs...*bows head in shame* BOY did I blush when I asked about that?
He treated me to lunch and I literally grilled him for hours on end on all and everything I needed to know about the route TO the Bar and life thereafter. He was very helpful and provided insightful tips that will most surely come in handy.
Cardigan : Thrifted (Wales) | Top : Ethel Austin | Bag : H&M | NeckCandy : Assorted
Cotton Peglegs : Primark | Flats : Primark DAY THREE
I'd returned from Brighton a long hour after midnight and hardly had enough kip to justify waking all hours of the morning for another day at court. needless to say, I was ill-prepared for a full day of work and was relatively groggy (even with a shot of espresso down my system), but thankfully I was working with an amazing Barrister who honestly believed in fighting for justice and conveyed this passion in the courtroom. He was emotional when the outcome of the case was not ruled in his favour, then I learned another rule as a Barrister, never bring one courtroom's drama into another. He literally picked up the second file, and in a matter of seconds, he had switched gears.
Bag : Blanco (Gran Canaria) | Flats : Primark FINAL DAY
Short but sweet day. Shadowed a young female Barrister who had a world of experience under her belt, an inspiration. She let me sit in on a murder trial, the first in a long line of jury hearings. Insightful stuff, was naughtily tweeting all day *sniggers*. Interesting to see how much personal information the English legal system is allowed access to, especially in light of the News of the World hacking scandal (btw, remember I've had work experience in their legal department too? If not, be sure to check it out HERE).
This mini was a lot different than my first in London, and other legal experiences I've had in the past. I was expected to fend for myself a lot of the time, and there was no formal mini pupil master allocated to me. On the Monday, I was provided with a timetable for the week of who I will be working with, and when work dried up, I called the Chambers for direction, only to be flicked off to fend for myself again. I guess the cradle of being an undergraduate has been cruelly whipped from under me. *sigh*
Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!!
