Dealing with Demons

**Soundtrack of the minute : Esmee Denters - Just Can't Have It**

I took a step back from one of my relationships and realised how suffocating I had become. I always hated that and I hadn't even clocked when the metamorphosis had begun or why I had never stopped myself before...but when I took a step back, took a breather and actually analysed my situation and several other friendships, etc... I knew it had all become FAR too unhealthy! I had become almost unrecognisable to my own damn self, and that's just unacceptable!!

"One does not come to understand one's own character by introspection, but by reflecting on one's actions in the world"

Change was long overdue!! I cleaned out my thoughts (TRES therapeutic) and realised just how easy it is to blame others. On reflection, you discover some things that you never quite stopped to correct. I wanted to clean out....me! I want to go back to being genuinely happy & that starts NOW...the final stop I guess was my appearance.

I wanted something new. To go somewhere I'd never been before...and tbh, twas a BIG risk (even when the weaver was fixing me up -with hair that looked like it wouldn't go past my forehead-I was nearly in tears as a result of my fear) but I like the end result...what do you hunnies think?

*********VIDEO NO LONGER AVAILABLE**********

Its been a whole week now since the cut and I'm liking the reception. I feel so different with it for some reason. **Kixie described me as looking 'good', as in innocent, perhaps...I can't quite put my finger on it, but i DO like it :)

I'm back in Manchester now...exam timetable's out and deadlines are fast approaching so the blogging hiatus may just have to be excused....education comes 1st...DURH! LOL!

Cardigan : Topman (my brother's)

Top : NEXT

Skirt : H&M

Tights : Marks & Spencers

Cardigan : Uniqlo

Neck Candy : Oasis

Shirt : H&M

Skirt : Primark

Arm Candy : H&M

Pumps : Primark

Jacket : ZARA

Shirt-Dress : ZARA

Leggings : H&M

Pumps : Primark

Blazer : (Borrowed from YaYa)

Top : H&M

Skirt : Republic

Arm Candy : H&M

Hair Candy : H&M

Top : Bershka

High-Waisted shorts : Primark

YeYe says...BLEURGH! Deal with your demons and conquer your fears...you can never truly learn to fly if you never risk a fall.

Divide & Conquer

**Soundtrack of the minute: B.o.B ft Bruno Mars & Big Boi - Beautiful Girls**

Its been ab-fab these last few days, catching up with old friends from London and just indulging in full femininity and nostalgia...BLISS!

Its weird how I'm in Uni in Manchester and I hardly get to speak to my Wammies (BFF's) when I'm there but once I'm back, its like we fall into old patterns. We hardly get to meet up as a foursome, but its lovely all the same to meet all of them individually.

I love our friendship! We've always compared ourselves to the ladies in SATC (yes, I'm the Samantha...so? lol) and to pay our respects to the ladies that set the bar SO high for us in regards to fashion, glamour, drama and literature...here's a preview of the sequel...EEK!!

GET EXCITED HUNNIES!!

UK Premiere is 28th May 2010...thats a date for your diaries. Cancel ALL plans, clear out your schedule, and pencil it in!! Nationwide Girly Day out :)

Cardigan : Urban Outfitters

T-Shirt : H&M

Skirt : Vero Moda

Tights : H&M

Pumps : Primark

Had a fun day...1st having iced coffee curtesy of Costa, with my Wammie **Babee Bee and then jet-setting (just kiddin, took the London Underground lol) to see my BFF & faux-cousin, **Charmz at her bf's. They were SO cute!! Cuddling and canoodling every chance they got. And the dude has like a studio in his flat, with like padded walls and everything high tech...fab! Shame I didn't get to lay down some bars, he would have been blown away & signed me ASAP! *sniggers* WATCH THIS SPACE...LMAOOOOOO

Blazer : Mummy's (borrowed ofcourse)

Neck Candy : Vintage (Aunty's from the 70's)

Top : Next

Belt : Macys

Arm Candy : Warehouse

Leggings (Tie'n'Dye) : TK Maxx

Pumps : Primark

Went shopping with my hunny and Wammie, **Babee Bee today in Wimbledon and later met up with my other Wammie, **Crys over some Auntie Annie's pretzels for some much needed chinwag sessions. Wimbledon was not a great shopping centre and I'll rate it about 6/10 for range but I still left with a few buys:

Grey & Black Heels : Red Herring (Debenhams - £15 each)

Denim shirt : GAP (£7.99)

Waterfall Cardigan : Uniqlo (£9.99)

And just for good measure I thought I'd let you in on a secret...shh! I'm going SHORT! My next hair style's gonna be a short crop (yes, thats an 8" weave you can see in the picture)...wish me luck. This is my 1st time and hopefully, if all goes well, it wont be my last....YIKES!!

YeYe says...BLEURGH! No matter how far enemies push you, friendship always brings you back together...in one piece. Xisses

Wholesome to Lonesome

Kaftan : Gift (Mummy's pilgrimage to Israel)

Happy belated Easter everyone...

YES! Currently on a vacation from Uni...more than happy about that. The sight of the dull four walls of my Uni flat (room) were starting to really grate me! As I packed (more than enough-trust me, compressing your wardrobe for a 3week holiday where 1/2 the suitcase will be used to pack goodies back is harder than you think), I resolved to stay at home longer than planned. I was tired of feeling frumpy and disappointed with my choices, the rejections, etc...

And it SO worked! Last week was more than brill...and the actual Easter celebration with family was SO much fun. No Wii triumphs this time, but bonding over protruding bellies and old Nollywood favourites was more than what the Dr prescribed :)

So as I dropped off the final of the batch (mum & bro travelling to the motherland...lmao) and I'm currently bleurghing (with my father snoring upstairs) from an empty livingroom that was I was once forced to sleep in, on the spare mattress as the rooms were full (like Jesus! lol)...I can't help but shed an imaginary tear at the loss of laughter, banter than turns into arguments in a matter of seconds and undocumented familial bliss :)

Its sad to go from a full house to just being on your home. I'd never really been the dependent type, I'd always prided myself in being able to stand on my own two feet, but recent events have changed that.

As I mourn the loss of a great man, a lost love and family laughter in this barren room....I'd love to share a few quotes that are keeping me going:

Rev Run (Twitter bugs will relate):

"I'm in competition with No 1! I'm the best there'll ever be"

"Ladies, let no one hurt you. Stay fly, remember, tears mess up your makeup"

"Dont let the last person that hurt you,, rob you of loving someone new with ALL YOUR MIGHT"

"When ur doin good ur friends know who u are,, when ur not doin so good u'll know who ur friends are"

"Everybody in ur life was put there by a choice u made, u CAN change ur mind & recast ur life"

"To Love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance"

Kyla Pratt: "Change isn't always a bad thing...sometimes it provides room to grow"

Angela Simmons :

"There's someone in this world for everyone. Someone who sees the vision you see.. And wants the best for you.. Just believe."

"When u want to give up... Is right when ur on the peak of your blessing.. Keep going..... Never give up... Its only around the corner."

"People can't give u happiness.. You make ur own happiness... It starts with YOU."

Christopher Lasch: "The family is a haven in a heartless world"

Spanish Proverb: "An ounce of blood is worth more than a pound of friendship."

Jane Howard: "Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."

At the end of the day, as much as I love my own space and I'm relearning how to truly appreciate ME, I miss these whores bad already. Can't wait for the next reunion...

YeYe says...BLEURGH! Blood is thicker than water...washed out, the stains still remain.

One foot in the future...

There was this old BBC TV Show - One foot in the grave- that I never actually watched, but the title always stuck in my head!! Well, this week has kinda been like that for me...I haven't had a day to myself since I got in from Manchie to London!

RARE RECRUITMENT : Talk on 'How to get a 1st in Law'

Blazer : Vintage (Mummy's closet...remember?)

Belt : Macy's

Waterfall Cardigan : H&M

Tanktop : H&M

Pegleg Trousers : ASOS

Flats : Primark

Arm Candy : Warehouse

The talk was SO inspiring! The speaker's name was Deji, a graduate from Warwick and he was immensely entertaining - a real shocker considering the amount of boring talks I have attended in my life...*yawn* Fair enough revision techniques and mental capacities vary depending on the individual, but there were so many universally helpful tips given, that I'd previously overlooked. I defo recommend attending this talk to you guys...x

INTERNSHIP at NEWS OF THE WORLD LEGAL DEPT.

Blazer : NEXT (Got this from my sis for my 15th birthday & this was my 1st time wearing it!)

Batwing top : Primark

Skirt : Welsh Boutique

Flats : Primark

OMG! By far THE best legal experience I've had thus far!! I absolutely LOVED it! The Legal Dept is situated through the doors of Fabulous Magazine (their weekend fashion and lifestyle supplement) and on Mondays, they pull looks!! So twas SO much fun getting outfit ideas and seeing Spring trends dotted around the office everytime I took a coffee or pee break!! But the actual legal bit was to die for!! I handled SO many cases from the get-go, and my mentor took an immediate liking to me, offering me valuable advice here and there...He let me read confidential entertainment files, asking me to disect the information and extract only the legally valuable information from it. This is a skill I had not practically applied before, and found it hard at first, but it wasn't too long till I rose to the challenge. By the end of the day, I was helping him draft up advice letters and client emails to Media Solicitors and celebrity representatives.

ERRAND DAY (AM)

Jacket : ZARA

Dress : New Look

Leggings : H&M

Knee-High Boots : USC

Arm Candy : H&M

OMG!! This day was NOT funny...I was a twit-freak cos I was just SO pissed off how many things I had to do, how many buses I had to jump on and off of, and how many detours I had to take in order to reach my end result!! The thought of it makes me want to cry :(

ERRAND DAY (PM)

TALK by BARONESS PATRICIA SCOTLAND

Waterfall Blazer : Primark

Top : NEXT

Skirt : Primark

Arm Candy : Bromley Boutique

Neck Candy : Wallis

I literally had an hour break in between getting home, having lunch, getting dressed and being on my way again...what a day!! And then I got lost...BLEURGH!! But the actual talk was BEAUTIFUL! Baroness Scotland was the first FEMALE QC in over 700 years and the first ever Black, female Attorney General. Not only that, but being the 10th in a family of 12, she went on to have her own family! What an inspiration! And the most phenomenal message I left with is never to be proud! She was SO humble, owing all her achievements to God (working his will through her)...I mean, WOW!

Here are a few words I fell in love with from her speech :

"We are all role models!"

"Don't wait for someone else to fix an issue you spotted"

"If you want motivation to carry on, just think, 'Jesus never gave up on me so why give up now?'"

"Nothing I have accomplished is by my will, but HIS will through me"

FINAL DAY OF INTERNSHIP

Waterfall Cardigan : H&M

Neck Candy : Gift (Brother from Dubai)

Top : Croydon Boutique

Skirt : Vero Moda

Flats : Primark

AHH! I got invited to return next Summer-after I've completed my degree! What great news right? I am absolutely in LOVE with Media Law...I just have to get the grades now and I should be set, in Jesus name! Today was SO cool, I got to work on great cases like a George Michael harassment plea from The Sun's paparazzo and I found out George's real name is Georgios K Panayiotou!! NO WAY!

And then my mentor went to have lunch with Frank Lampard & David Beckham's lawyer...i literally DIED when I answered the phone!

GOOD FRIDAY

Blazer : NEXT

Dress (actually a skirt) : MK One

Sleeveless Cardigan : Republic

Belt : Macy's

Flats : Primark

Attended an early service where after Gospel readings and a few hymns, we processed through the streets of Selsdon, in Jesus' (a man dressed in white robes & sandals, carrying a HUGE wooden cross) tow. Beautiful service :)

My sis is back!! And she really likes BLEURGH and wanted to be included (bless her)...so here goes.............

Cardigan : Pull & Bear

Dress : Chilli Pepper

Leggings : Ethel Austin

Booties : George

So now you see what a hectic week I've had! And proudly, its all career and future related, no rest for the wicked and all. But the talks, work experience and general week has taught me to push myself in pursuit of personal success, with some spiritual, social and familial support 'cos NO MAN's AN ISLAND!! Baroness Scotland, Mr Watford and even Deji drew emphasis on that...you can't do it on your own, whether its motivation or congratulation, a 2nd voice is always helpful :)

YeYe says...BLEURGH!! In the race of life, don't forget your fans and contenders, the people around you are as important to the race as the running itself. Xisses